The Kammeraads

Out of the darkness, into the light....

2012-01-20T01:37:00.000-05:00

Warning: very long post! (Sorry about that!)

I have been thinking about updating the blog on and off for months, but then I never seem to have enough energy to do so. I've also questioned if what I had to say was worth saying. I'm such an over-analyzer that by the time I'd decide that I did want to share something, days had past and then I'd feel like what I was going to write wasn't relevant any more, since it wouldn't be what I was feeling at that moment of writing. I also struggled with writing too much of myself. I want to honor God and I enjoy when I can share what He is doing in our lives. Over the past many months though, I have not felt that I had anything to share. It's not because He is not doing anything in our lives though, it's because I have not been in a good place to take notice. Which is what this post is about.

I have not been in a good place lately. I don't know how long it's been that I've been feeling this way, as it's been a gradual thing. I've been saying December was tough, because it was, but I wonder if it came to the surface of my consciousness last month because of all of the extra stress of the holidays, while it's actually been there for quite a while before that. What I'm talking about is this pervasive feeling of sadness and anxiety. I've been feeling disconnected, discontent. I've not had the energy to reply to emails or call people back. I cry a lot. I feel overwhelmed so often. December was definitely the worst with feeling all of this. There was even one day when I was home alone with the kids where I actually contemplated (for longer than I care to share) on how one goes gets committed. The idea of being drugged up to the point of oblivion, staring out the window for hours upon hours, was something that sounded so good to me that I wondered what crazy thing I could do that would cause Kevin to take one look at me when he came home and then make a phone call to have me "put away" for awhile.

And then the guilt came washing over me, as it always does when I'm feeling sad and anxious. What right do I have to feel like this? Why should I feel so sad and overwhelmed and anxious? There is nothing "wrong." I have my family, our health, I have friends, food, a house, etc. Millions of people in this world have so much suffering in their lives, why can't I handle MY life? It's hard at times, yes, it's been a tough year for our family, yes, but there is so much I have to be thankful for, how dare I feel this way?  Now that I'm writing this, I think these feelings started last spring with the declining health of Kristi. That's when I first remember them, when Kristi and Brian shared with us that she only had a few weeks left to live. We cried so much for the following month or more. But even then I felt guilty for crying. I felt guilty feeling sad. I am just the sister-in-law, what right do I have to feel sad, overwhelmed, anxious, to cry, to want people to take care of the kids and us, when I should be the one taking care of Kevin since she's his sister. I should be helping to take care of Mom and Dad K since she's their daughter. I should be helping to take care of Lori because she's her sister. I should be helping to take care of Brian and the kids because she's their wife and mom. I should be the helper, not the one needing help. I struggled so much with this and felt such guilt that I couldn't "pull it together" to be strong for any of them. And those feelings have continued to this day.

I feel like there has been a cloud over me for weeks and weeks. It goes away for a little while, but it always comes back. Some days by the time I go to bed I think that I'm feeling better, and I'm determined to choose to be joyful the next day. Last week there was an evening where I even felt inspired to write "bring joy" (as that seemed easier, to bring joy to those around me rather than to try to focus my energy on being joyful) but as soon as I woke up I felt the cloud come around me and I had zero interest in bringing or being full of joy of any kind. And then I felt the d's again: discouraged, disconnected, discontent.

I started to feel better toward the end of last week and I was hopeful that our "new year, new us" mantra that Kevin and I have been telling each other was working and coming true. But then at church on Sunday, I felt horrible. I felt so uncomfortable and fidgeted through the entire service; all I wanted to do was run out as fast as I could. A friend saw me after the service and a simple "hi, how are you" had me falling apart in tears. I'm a mess!

Okay, so this is the backdrop for why I titled the post what I did. I have been in darkness. And I don't like it. I want out. Kevin wants me out. The kids deserve to have me out. I am tired of being tired, stressed, overwhelmed, guilty, sad, and anxious. I went on a trip to Florida for a couple of days with Lori and Ashley two weeks ago and it was so nice. I really enjoyed my time there and with them. It was just so...pleasant! I thought that when I came back I would feel relaxed and refreshed, ready to embrace all that was before me. But I didn't. Reality came crashing down on me like a freight train the night we came home, and I almost felt worse than I did before I left. And then the guilt followed, hard.

We decided to homeschool Carlos and never sent him back after Christmas break. This may seem abrupt to most of our friends and family, but it's actually something that we've been thinking and praying about on and off for the past two years. Carlos has been asking us on and off for that long as well. It may seem like bad timing for me given my emotional state, but...I think that the timing is just right. I knew that I wanted to start our days with Jesus, as I couldn't think of a better way to start our time of homeschooling together. We started that this week.

On Tuesday I woke up really early (not by choice!) and couldn't fall back to sleep. After a couple of hours of being awake, I decided to pick up the book I had started on the plane ride home from Florida, "Mistaken Identity." Something I read in there that was written as an encouragment to that family stuck with me. It said to look for God's blessings each day, to be thankful each day for what God gives us. I thought to myself that I should do that today. At another part in the book, one of the authors was sharing a song that was so meaningful for her family during their grief: "Praise You in This Storm." She wrote out the lyrics and I sung the song to myself as I read them.

Fast forward a few hours later, I was reading to the kids the devotional for that day from "Jesus Calling, for kids." The verse was Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The author went on to talk about being thankful and to look for God's blessings today and each day. Hmmm...that sounded familiar!

That afternoon as we were driving home from Maria's preschool I turned on the radio for the first time that day and the song that was playing was "Strong Enough." The chorus of the song is this: "I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up. I'm not strong enough. Hands of mercy won't you cover me. Lord right now I'm asking You to be strong enough, strong enough for me." That was fitting! The song immediately following was "Praise You in This Storm," - the song I read earlier! The chorus is this: "And I'll praise You in this storm.  And I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand. You never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm."  I considered this a great reminder considering all my tears on Sunday!

Carlos and I spent the day looking for God's blessings, pointing them out to each other, and being thankful for them. I did not feel the cloud all day. Yesterday was a cloud-free day as well. Today, still no cloud!  Each day we've been reading a devotional and the verse we are memorizing together, and have been having great conversations about God and Jesus. Carlos is so perceptive and inquisitive and is such a thinker. These past three days have been good ones. Now I know it's likely that I'll feel sad and overwhelmed again, but I'm hopeful that I will continue to climb (through God's help and strength, and with keeping my eyes on Him), out of the darkness, into the light....

October 2011

2011-12-10T22:49:00.001-05:00

One of our traditions every fall is to go to Schwallier's Country Basket. The kids love it! I do, too!

Maria turned 4 years old on October 8th! She is our precious little one! She is so quirky, and so...Ia! :) We love her very much!

This was Ia's reaction to the card that Carlos made for her!

A hug with Grandpa Kammeraad on her birthday that was too cute not to post!

It was so nice that Ia got to see all four of her grandparents on her birthday this year!

It was a little cold at Zach's football game!

Constructing the portable puppet theatre

Maria carved her pumpkin all by herself - guess which one it is?
And if you look closely at the one on the right, you just might see a lightning bolt scar - can you guess what books has Carlos been enjoying this fall?

Maria loves doing "homework" when Carlos does his!

The newest member of our family - Mittens!

The cutest skunk in the world and the most delicious pack of gumballs, on Halloween

Celebrating - August 2011

2011-10-11T06:45:00.002-04:00

Maria drew her first picture of a person! It was of Grandma Wenner:

Then she drew a self-portrait:

Grandpa Wenner's birthday is a week before Carlos', so we usually have a celebration of both birthdays together:

Carlos and I are making eggplant parmesan and chicken parmesan

Carlos' actual birth day was very full!:

Carlos got to share his special day with his cousin Zach who was baptized that day. What a beautiful time celebrating with family!

Carlos really wanted a pinata for his birthday, so we brought one with us to our care group (small group from church) that evening. It was a blast!

It was so windy that the only way we could keep the candles lit long enough for Carlos to blow them out was to hold up a tarp over the cake!
Carlos had a great day. He is our very special, very loved seven year old!

Soccer cuties - August 2011

2011-10-11T06:14:00.001-04:00

Carlos and Maria wanted to wear their Colombian soccer uniforms and play soccer in our front yard, and they were just so stinkin' cute that I had to take some photos! I later had Carlos change into his Guatemalan soccer shirt so we could have photos with him in that as well!

July 2011

2011-08-25T22:55:00.001-04:00

June went by in an emotional blur, so July is when we felt like our summer actually started. And boy was it a full month!

Carlos and Maria love to help Daddy build things!

Isn't she sweet?!

Yes, if this photo reminds you of Spider Man you are correct - our son is part spider.

We celebrated Carlos' Family Day (July 18th) this year by just staying at home! (Carlos' Family Day is the day when we officially became a family of three. We celebrate it each year by doing things that he would like to do, eating things that he would like to eat, and by giving him a gift or two that is from Guatemala.) It was a very hot day (and we do not have air conditioning throughout the house) but I did manage to cook up his favorite breakfast of chocolate pancakes! The day consisted of having drawing time with Daddy, playing checkers (Carlos' favorite game), eating, watching a movie, and eating some more. For dinner he really wanted tamales, so we ordered some from a local Mexican restaurant and I whipped up some Guatemalan rice to go with it. We added a side of refried black beans and some tortilla chips - YUM!!

Kevin was scheduled at library shows up in Traverse City and in Leland, so we all went together as a family to spend two days up there. We had a beautiful time together, walking along a river, enjoying historic Fish Town in Leland, taking a scenic drive through The Sleeping Bear Dunes, walking part way up the Dune climb, and eating at our favorite pizza parlor in downtown T.C.!

This is the women's bathroom at the pizza place I mentioned in downtown Traverse City. It was the most spectacular bathroom I've ever been in; I think it literally took my breath away for a second. So I just had to go back in and take some pictures! (Although they don't do it justice I'm afraid. You just have to be surrounded by the 360 degree scene to fully appreciate it!) If our bathroom at home looked like this, I don't think I'd ever leave!

Kevin had another library show in Traverse City earlier in the month, and this time we went camping for four nights at the state park, and my (Stephanie's) parents came too! We had such a great time. We did so much biking! Carlos biked seven miles right along with Kevin and I one afternoon!

June 2011

2011-08-05T22:28:00.002-04:00

At the annual Guatemalan fiesta, held at Hager Park in Jenison, where dozens of adoptive families who've adopted from Guatemala get together each year to celebrate this beautiful country and each other

Light saber duals happen often in our house! It is not uncommon to hear our little three year old girl say, "Wan fight? I cut off your head!" (Should we be concerned?!)

Beach day on Lake Michigan!

A Long Over Due Update

2011-07-31T02:39:00.000-04:00

I don't know where to start. I've thought about updating the blog almost every day, but more out of feeling a sense of obligation than out of a desire to write. I don't know how to put into words all that our family has gone through over the past couple of months. Yet I want to honor our family, and Kristi in particular, by writing something. So therein lies the stress that I've carried around with me for weeks: feeling I should write, yet not having the motivation to do so. And now that it's been so long since I've written, I've built up a self-imposed expectation that this better be a good one! (I know, I'm my own worst enemy at times!)

Okay, I'll just begin. After battling ovarian cancer for over four years, and after much prayer and many tears, Kristi and Brian decided that Kristi should stop chemo. In February Kristi's doctor told them that she probably has about six months left to live. In April she started to feel more tired and worn-out, and was struggling with getting her pain medication under control. In May right around Mother's Day she took a turn for the worse. A week or so later she and Brian were told that she was down to about two weeks left to live. Brian told us a couple of days after they found out when Kevin and I were over for a visit. Brian told us and when we had a few moments to absorb the shock, Kristi came downstairs. Oh the tears! SHE comforted US, saying "It's going to be okay," while hugging us and rubbing Kevin's back as he sobbed. We sat on the couch with her and Brian as the kids played together and it felt like we could sit there all day. We just couldn't get enough of her. We wanted to just soak her in. *Sigh*

The next week we went over again and not realizing it was going to happen, had our "good bye visit" with her. It felt so sudden. Kevin went first, and then he brought Carlos up there to see her after a while. When it was my turn, I didn't know what to say. It didn't feel like a good bye visit. It felt like I was just hanging out with her having a girl talk while she was feeling a little under the weather. We were in their room, sitting on their bed, playing with Maria at first, and then later after Kevin took Maria back downstairs, talking about the kids, both hers and mine, just chatting like we usually did. There were a couple of serious times when she cried and I teared up, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that she was dying. Soon. It didn't seem real. I know now that I was in denial.

When we left after that, I was a wreck. I cried all the way home. Our roommate put the kids to bed for us so that Kevin and I could just have some time alone to process what was happening. We cried on and off at the restaurant that night. (Good thing the lighting was dim and we were sitting in a corner!) This was on a Sunday and the next day I fortunately did not have to go into work as usual. I had the week off as this was the week that Kristi, Lori, and I had booked tickets a couple months back to go on a sisters' trip together. Oh how excited we all were once our trip was booked! It was so beautiful to hear the joy and excitement in Kristi's emails as we wrote back and forth to one another about it. We could hardly wait to go! (Another sigh.) But it just wasn't meant to be. God had different plans for us. I felt so heavy hearted that day and all through the next. Kevin and I felt so alone in our sadness. We know we have friends, but it didn't feel like we could connect with any of them right then. We didn't feel close to anyone, and it was very lonely. We lamented the fact that we hadn't kept in closer touch with friends over the past year and a half, and that we were still new in our church family. Hardly anyone knew what was going on (most of our friends new that Kristi was battling ovarian cancer, but no one knew she had taken a turn for the worse and that we were at the end.) I'm so thankful to God that he put it on my heart to reach out to a few certain people! Those particular friends were an absolute GIFT from the Lord, and stood by us in such generous and beautiful ways. I don't know how we would have gotten through those most difficult weeks without them. I know that I've digressed a bit, but I just had to acknowledge my deepest thanks to those dear friends.

My memory of the timeline of events is a little fuzzy now, but I think that Kristi went into Hospice Home of Holland the end of that week. We thought she would be there for only a day or two, but her body held on for three weeks before she went home to be with Jesus on June 10th. While she was in the Hospice Home, Kevin went there nearly every day, as did Lori, and their parents. The kids and I went several times. It was hard to see Kristi deteriorating, but she was such a sweetheart! She always had a smile for any of us who came to see her, and Brian and Kevin and Lori and their parents can tell many, many stories of her kind and loving nature coming out strongly all the way to the end. She was shining beautifully!

Kevin had been at the Hospice Home on June 10th and the kids and I came in at dinner time. Aunt Diane (Kevin's dad's sister) was there as she had flown in earlier that day. Kristi's breathing had become raspier that day, but we left around 9:00 p.m. saying that we'd see everyone tomorrow, under the impression that Kristi still had a few days left. By the time we reached Grand Rapids, the kids were almost asleep. We just didn't have it in us to "put them to bed," so we decided that I should continue driving around (nine times out of ten Kevin does the driving, but for some reason I did that night) until they fell asleep so that we could just plop them into bed when we got home. We literally drove around Grand Rapids on the highway and just as we were on the opposite side of town from where our house is, minutes after the kids had both fallen asleep, Kevin's cell phone rang. It was his mom, saying the Kristi had passed away.

That was one of the longest drives home. I was shaking. Kevin had to call Lori and tell her. I could hear Lori's sobs over Kevin's cries as they wept together. We called our roommates and thankfully they were both home when we arrived so we could drop the kids into their beds and then turn around and head back into Holland to the Hospice Home. I'm shaking now as I type all of this, recalling the sensations I felt that same night. After throwing an overnight bag together and tying up a few loose ends, we were on our way. We talked to Lori about picking her up so that we could all drive together, but we all decided that we'd just pack up our things and start out the door as soon as we each could and then would check back in with each other before we arrived at Hospice. In the crazy and beautiful way that is God's, due to the wrong exit that Lori's friend took who was driving her and then the wrong turn she made, we ended up turning into the driveway/parking lot of the Home exactly behind Lori. We got out of our cars at the exact same time and were able to walk into the Home hand in hand. I can still picture our walk down the hallway like it was yesterday. Oh the sobbing as we embraced Mom and Dad. Oh the tears as we gathered together around Kristi's bed. More sobbing as Brian came back into the room and heartbroken reached for his bride.

It was an exhausting and tough night and next few days especially. Brian and Kristi with the help of many people put together a beautiful visitation and memorial service. Our days were filled with friends and family and tears. Our family has a very obvious hole in it. Our first hole was left by Eric's passing last year, and now another hole with Kristi's passing. I keep thinking about how "now there are four." Four of us siblings & spouses where there used to be six. Four of the original Kammeraad family of Mom, Dad, Kristi, Lori, and Kevin. And now only four Rogalskes, where Brian, Ashley, Nathan, and Emily are now without their wife and mom. There have been and continue to be so many people who are praying for us and all of the people I just mentioned above. Thank you so very much. We couldn't get through all of this without your prayers. Please continue, as the grieving continues for everyone.

Before I end this extremely long post, I wanted to say a few words about Kristi. She was a beautiful, kind, loving, generous person. Such an amazing wife and mom and daughter and sister and friend. She had a strong relationship with God, and she will be leaving a beautiful legacy of faith to all of those whose lives intersected with hers.

I'll miss laughing and talking with her at family gatherings. I'll miss talking with her about the books we're reading. I'll miss her smile and the way she interacted with her kids and nieces and nephews. I'll miss her quirky sense of humor in her emails as we'd write back and forth about our menus for the family camping trips and holiday meals. I'll miss her homemade stamped cards and the way she wrote her letter "a"s. We love her. We miss her. We can't wait to see her again in heaven!

Winter and Spring Photos!

2011-05-04T23:44:00.001-04:00

Our silly kids! (It was Maria who put the star stickers on her own forehead!)

Celebrating Maria's Family Day by eating huevos (eggs) for dinner - her favorite!

Being that this was her first Family Day, this wooden elephant puzzle is the first gift she's received from Colombia. She put it together and took it apart and put it back together right away, dozens of times in a row!

Celebrating Carlos' half birthday (6 1/2) with half a cake and half a "Happy birthday to you" song!

Decorating Easter eggs (and painting in between)

Maria

2011-03-27T20:42:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to write this post for over a month now! So here goes:

One year and a month ago, on February 23, 2010, our long wait was over and we got to hold our Maria in our arms for the first time! For me it felt like the most natural and meant to be thing in the world. It felt surreal and wonderful and beautiful. She was PRECIOUS (and still is)! Our prayers were answered many times over with Maria becoming part of our family!

She has changed quite a bit in a year! A few examples: When we first met her, she was shy (of course) and seemed so fragile; now she is LOUD and rambunctious! She is very curious, determined, fun-loving, and persistant. She was two years and four months old and wasn't saying any words yet; now, as she continues in speech therapy, her vocabulary is a couple hundred words and she is able to express her wants and needs: "I need up peas. I not reach it." "I sit down mama's lap." "Daddy fix it down stairs." "My brush my teeth more." "Arlo not do that!" For those first few months, she didn't understand or enjoy reading books for more than a minute; now she requests to read books as she carries a huge pile in her arms and stacks them next to us. (Yeah!)

She enjoys doing puzzles, building with blocks, playing with cars, pushing anything with buttons, coloring, and doing anything Carlos is doing! She loves riding her bike! She is learning her colors and enjoys counting to ten. She likes listening to music, and she loves when we sing songs. Her favorites are Wheels on the Bus and Praise Ye the Lord. :)

She is a gift from God and it is a blessing to be her mama!

(I'll post current photos of the kids once I locate the camera and take the three months of photos off of it!)

A Bad Word That Starts With an "S"

2011-03-21T01:07:00.000-04:00

As we were putting the kids to bed tonight, Carlos was holding our cat and he and I were talking about animals. I was reminding him that we always need to be nice to animals. And then I retracted my statement a bit and said that we need to be nice to all animals, unless they are trying to attack us. Carlos said, "like from sharks." And I said yes, and from mean dogs. That got us talking about the dogs near his school. He said that he wants to call them a bad word that starts with an "s" and he started giggling. I was playfully trying to draw the word out of him, and he just kept laughing and laughing, a nervous yet excited and playful laugh. He giggled as he said he was embarrassed to say it. He said it was like dog poop. Kevin and I looked at each other. I told Carlos that he would not get in trouble for saying the word right now, that saying it right now wouldn't count as saying it. I just wanted to know what word he was thinking of. He then said something while he was laughing, but we couldn't understand what he said. So we asked him again to say the word, and he said that he just did. He was still smiling. We told him that we didn't hear it, and he said he already said it. This was all said in a spirit of playful banter. He said it starts with an "st." I asked if the word was "stupid" and he paused and laughed and said "uh-huh." We weren't convinced so we asked him if that really was it. He said that he already said it. He wouldn't say it again, so we said it was alright, but we did really want to know. We turned out the lights. And then suddenly it was like Carlos snapped.

He was instantly extremely angry. Seething with anger. He was laying between Kevin and I and we could feel his anger. He was tense and making angry sounds and muttering under his breath. We tried to draw what was the matter out of him, but he wouldn't say. He tried to leave our bed and go onto his bed, alone. We wouldn't let him. We tried talking to him some more, encouraging him to open up to us, that we wanted to help him. Was it about the dogs? The movie we watched tonight? About anything in the fairy tales we read before bed? He wouldn't talk about it, just continued to angrily mutter. I thought to myself that Carlos seemed like a different child. Yes, he's been angry before, yes, he's had rages, but from how he was while getting ready for bed to how he's acting now, it felt like he was a different kid.

I told Carlos to hit the pillow, to kick his feet, to get out his anger. He refused, so I demonstrated. He started laughing (which was strange to see him go from seething anger to laughing in five seconds.) I kept demonstrating and encouraging him to do it too. He wouldn't. So Kevin started to wrestle with him. They playfully wrestled on the bed for a few minutes, and then Kevin put him down between us again and said that he was going to pray and then we needed to go to sleep. Carlos was instantly angry again, doing the same things he was doing before the wrestling. We asked again if he wanted to talk about it. He growled something like, "I said no." We kept trying, he kept resisting, but at one point he said that there are all these images flashing about in his mind. I asked him what kind of images. He angrily said they are silly. I told him that I like silly. He responded that they were silly bad, not silly good. I told him I wanted to hear about them anyway. He angrily sighed and then said something like, "Like a duck with eight legs and four tails and nine heads with one head cut off." I don't remember what we said after that, but he was still so angry. He wouldn't tell us anything more, so Kevin said that we should just pray and go to sleep and we can talk about his feelings tomorrow or anytime. He didn't want to pray and go to sleep and he didn't want to talk about it later. I reached over and put my hand on his leg and started praying outloud for him, that Jesus would come near to him and fill him with His peace. That He would fill his heart and mind with His peace and love and strength. I prayed for protection and for the Holy Spirit to be strong within him. That He would heal Carlos' wounded heart (we've talked al ot about Carlos' heart, so he was familiar with this phrase), and that He would take away Carlos' anger and the images in his mind so that he could get restful sleep. After a few minutes of praying, Carlos slowly started to relax. Then Kevin took over the prayer and Carlos drifted off to sleep.

Two minutes later Carlos jerked in his sleep. A minute later he flipped over. A minute later he jerked again. He tossed and turned (not at all gently) every minute or so. He stayed asleep, but he it was very fitful. After ten minutes or so of this, Kevin got up to go downstairs. I stayed with the kids a few more minutes. Carlos jerked about again and then woke up and calmly and quietly said:

"Mom."
Yes?
"I feel overwhelmed."
Why is that?
"Because there was too much bad....and then too much good....and now too much bad." (Going on in his head.)
I leaned over to him and softly yet firmly said that Good will win. Good will always win. Love will win. Jesus will win.
Good wins. Love wins. Jesus wins.
There was a pause and then,
"Mom, Satan took off my sock."
WHAT? (Flash back to the past half an hour and how I thought to myself at one point while trying to talk Carlos through his anger that this was Satan. That there was spiritual warfare going on. But I didn't want to freak Kevin out, or Carlos, so I didn't say anything. And now here was Carlos, awake suddenly after sleeping for fifteen minutes, saying something about Satan!)
"Satan took off my sock."
Immediately I put my hand on Carlos and said aloud, "Satan, I command you by the power of Christ Jesus to flee from Carlos right now. You and your....things.... need to leave and go to the foot of the throne of Christ Jesus."
"Mom, who are you talking to?"
To Satan. I told him that he had to leave. And he has to listen to me. Because of Jesus. He gave us the power over Satan. If we use His name, Satan has to listen to us when we tell him to leave. So he is not near us anymore. He left. You belong to Jesus. You will always belong to Him. You are God's child and He will always hold you in His hand. Satan wants to have us, but he can't. We belong to Jesus.

And with that, Carlos fell asleep. And slept peacefully. I stayed with him another ten minutes and he didn't move once. It is now an hour later, and Carlos has still not tossed or turned. (I have the monitor on so I can hear them.)

We had a spiritual battle tonight, friends. I know that this is a controversial topic. I know that this is uncomfortable to talk about. I know that this is scary stuff. But Satan is real, and he wants Carlos. And he CAN'T HAVE HIM!

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:11-13

Breaking Through

2011-02-27T21:08:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update to say "Praise God!" We made it through this month! We are very thankful and are looking forward to this next month. With the bulk of the company's income coming in over the next two months and with our upcoming tax return, we are praying that we will be good stewards of the money that God gives us. We are praying for wisdom to make good choices on what, how, and when to spend money: a few repairs we've been holding off on, a car to replace the one that was totaled so that we can give Kevin's grandparents their car back, paying off some debts, etc. It feels really good to be in a place where we can make these choices, so now it's just making sure we are doing it wisely: God's way and not ours. :)

Here are some lyrics to Toby Mac's song "Hold On" that have been in my head tonight:

So baby hold on, to the one that's holding you,
I see the clouds are moving faster now, and the sun is breaking through!

[Note: I just looked up the lyrics and it looks like I combined in my head the first part of one verse with the second part of the next verse, but oh well! I like it this way so I'm gonna' keep it!]

"Lean Not on Your Own Understanding..."

2011-02-05T00:27:00.002-05:00

This has been a tough year for us financially. With adopting Maria and school budgets being really tight, both Kevin and I have had to get part-time jobs outside of the business. We both have found places that fit us really well, and we are really enjoying all that we are learning and doing. I work at an independent children's store that is focused on natural parenting and toys, and Kevin works at a neurofeedback company. Kevin is still visiting schools, but he hasn't had many this fall and winter. We've maxed out our business line-of-credit and are now just trying to get through until the last week of February. From then on through summer Kevin has steady work lined up. (Yeah!) But last week his sister came in to do our accounting and we all wondered: how are we going to make it until then? Bills still have to be paid, etc., and we simply do not have any more money in the company. She told us not to pay anything this week or buy anything this week and she'd come back today. Kevin has not seemed worried this week about this, but I kept thinking: I know it's only three weeks, but seriously, how are we actually going to make it through?

So then Lori came back today and she and Kevin worked in the office for a few hours. As I was cleaning up the house, at one point I thought about how our extended family has and is struggling so much with health-related issues and how we've felt badly at times over the years that we aren't. But I realized that although we aren't struggling health-wise, we have struggled over the years and are currently struggling financially. And I wondered how long we'd be doing this. But then I thought/prayed, God, if this is what it takes to keep us close to you, to keep us hanging on to you and not feel self-sufficient, even though it's hard, I'll welcome it and thank you for it.

When Lori came up to say good bye some while later, she said that we're okay for another week! Money came from out of who-knows-where, but we are okay for now! Praise the Lord! A few sales of books, a check we didn't expect, a school who paid that owed us some money all added up to what we needed! This was a big deal, yet after thanking God silently, I went on with my busy day and have kept busy up until right now (midnight). I finally sat down and read my devotional for today and this is what it said:

"Give thanks unto the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people." - I Chronicles 16:8

So that's what I'm doing!

God is our Provider and I am so thankful for who He is!

It's Hard Sometimes

2011-01-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

Parenting is not for the weak. Adopting is not for the weak. It is tough stuff. It can fill you with emotions and reactions that you never thought you'd have.

We are struggling a lot with Carlos. He was adopted at ten and a half months old, so as an infant, but he struggles with issues that one would expect from a child who was adopted at a much older age. Issues of abandonment, rejection, loss, identity, trust. He struggles with very low self esteem, perfectionism, and deep anger. We see this played out in numerous ways, none of them good or healthy.

He has never fully attached to me, his mom. I could see it in his eyes and through the way he responded to me during his first year or so home with us. I struggled with feelings of rejection, sadness, anger, and guilt. I was so afraid that he would never attach to me and that would then lead to him becoming a juvenile delinquint and it would be all my fault. It felt heavy and scary and sad. I wondered if somehow someone at the adoption agency had made a mistake. Maybe there was something wrong with me and I wasn't fit to parent. I didn't share my feelings with anyone besides Kevin and only a couple of close friends. I was too embarressed and ashamed and didn't think most people would understand. After all, we "chose" to become parents through adoption - I should be happy and joyful and grateful all the time, right?

At about the year and a half point, there was a difference in the way Carlos looked at me and I called that "attachment." Our relationship and time together felt better, more natural, and I thought we had a breakthrough and that everything would be okay now. As time went on though, I knew in my gut that our relationship wasn't the same for either of us as it was for all the other parents and children that I knew. We were just not as close or nearly as close as my friends were with their children. No one could or would have pointed that out though. It's wasn't obvious; it was in the subleties. And I have always just pushed it away as no big deal, and that he is close to Kevin, his daddy, so that's good. Every child favors one of their parents either a lot or a little bit over the other. Carlos favors Kevin. The three of us knew it and had talked about it and had just accepted it. And life went on for nearly five years this way. And then came Maria.

Things are different with her. Maybe it's her personality. Maybe it's because she's a girl. Maybe it's because I'm a different person in many ways than I was when I became a mom the first time. I don't know why, but our relationship is a lot different. It feels and looks a lot different. It feels good, right, healthy, "normal." I don't even question whether we're attached or not. It's not a question. It just is. We just are.

So what does that mean for Carlos, and for Carlos and I? I don't know. He doesn't trust me. He never has. We've talked about this often. He knows it. I know it. Kevin knows it. If Carlos gets hurt and I'm the only one there to comfort him, he'll come to me if he's hurt badly enough. But even then, my presence, my soothing, my cuddling, doesn't actually make him feel better. It does for other kids when their parents do it to them. I can see it happening. It does for Maria when I soothe her. It doesn't for Carlos. He's stiff in my arms. And if he's not hurt badly but definitely still hurt, he doesn't want me. I'll go over to him and he'll push me away and just keep crying. He doesn't want my comfort.

Just before we went to Colombia and for the first couple of months that we were home, Carlos had rages. Rages are bursts of anger that are deep and raw and long - unlike anything Kevin or I have ever seen before. The first time it happened I honestly thought that Carlos was possessed by a demon. It was so scary and I just prayed and prayed over him, begging God to heal him. Once we were home from Colombia we started to see an attachment and family therapist. We saw him from April through September. By August Carlos was doing so much better than the first few months and by September all of us felt like there was no need to continue therapy. Carlos had opened up a lot, learned a lot, and we as his parents felt so much more equipped to handle situations and issues that could and would come up again with him.

But now here we are four months later and although Carlos does not rage any more, it is still really tough. He is dealing with such strong and deep emotions surrounding the issues that I mentioned earlier. We could go back to counseling. That would probably help. We could take him out of school since many of his feelings of abandonment, rejection, and self-hatred arise out of things that happen at school. That would help alleviate some of the pressure that he puts on himself. But no matter what we decide about either of these two things, what Carlos desperately needs is for God to heal his broken heart and his wounded spirit. We don't pray about that enough I'm realizing as I type this. We ask God to help us parent him, to give us strength and wisdom, but we don't actually pray for Carlos' healing. So if you think of it, will you please say a prayer for Carlos? We need to cover this precious little boy in prayer! And he and I need prayers of healing for our relationship too. We need to be attached. We just have to be in order for Carlos to be completely whole.

So I write all of this because it's cathartic, as a plea for your prayer support, and because maybe there is another adoptive parent or family out there who is struggling too and needs to feel that they are not alone. Although we feel alone in this sometimes, we know we are not. And we are thankful for what we do have and for the people we have in our lives. God is good all the time.

Fall Photos 2010

2011-01-11T00:42:00.000-05:00

Kevin built this vintage style puppet theatre and created a new puppet named Olli Winston for ArtPrize.

ArtPrize: "Designed as a very different art competition, the goal is for the general public and artists to collide, exchange ideas and come away changed. Part arts festival, part social experiment--this international contest is decided solely by public vote."

Kevin was part of a group of artists who created Plan B town, an eco-village that demonstrated what a community could look like in the future if we hit peak oil and begin to run out, if electricity was intermittent at best, and if resources were scarce. Instead of doom and gloom, they created a community that was full of great music, art, food, friends, and conversation.

Two new friends: Kevin and Stacy performing at Plan B

Two old friends: Danny and Kevin performing together, too! Danny came all the way from New Jersey to perform at Plan B! (Well, and to visit a few schools, too.)

A photo of the town at sunrise. Plan B was set on the banks of the Grand River in downtown Grand Rapids.

This was my favorite piece at ArtPrize. Maria and I are soaking it in.

Kevin ran in the 5K Turkey Trot this year on Thanksgiving morning. Carlos ran his first 1K and got chased by this turkey the entire time!

Struck down, but not destroyed - Part 2

2010-12-23T01:51:00.000-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been....A LOT.

It started when I got into a car accident on the first really snowy morning in Grand Rapids. I had just dropped Kevin off at the airport for his five day trip to New Jersey and was on my way to work, with Maria in the back seat. My mother-in-law was meeting me there to pick Maria up to spend the day with her. I got off the highway on my exit and turned left onto the overpass. There is a light at the end of the overpass; it was red. I pushed on my breaks, but my car didn't stop. Instead, it slid three car lengths into the white pick-up truck that was in front of me, stopped at the light. I turned my wheel to the right so that less of my car would hit his, but since there is no shoulder on an overpass, I smashed into the truck. To make a long story short: the car was totaled. Maria and I were okay thankfully, as was the other driver. His bumper was dented, but that is all. I did have back and neck pain two days later that lasted for an entire week, but I am being treated by a chiropractor and am feeling better. Maria showed no symptoms of anything, so I think her car seat was effective! :)

The accident was on a Wednesday. Nine days later Kevin took my car, the Chevy Impala that we just use for me to drive around town in, to the mechanics as the muffler had been getting progressively louder over the weeks and was now at a deafening level. It turns out that it was more than a muffler fix. Now all I can give you is a very rough summary of what turned out to be wrong with it: something with the entire exhaust system. And the car had been leaking coolant for months, but we found out this day that it too needed more than just a patch job: something to do with the entire coolant system. And then the mechanic said that the break pads were 90% worn and that the steering could go out at any moment and so the car was unsafe to drive. All said, it would cost the same amount to fix the car as what we paid for it back in June!

So in summary, within a little over a week we went from two cars to zero.

Thankfully Kevin's grandparents are letting us borrow their car. I don't know what we would have done without their generosity!

I have been so stressed with getting organized for Christmas this year. It's the first Christmas that we've had two kids, that I've had a part-time job outside the home, that I'm potty-training (going on five months now), that our business has been so slow, and that I have family coming and staying for a week. (That last one is a great joy, it's just more planning!) There have been times when I just felt like the life I'm leading is too much for me to handle. (Not at all in a I'm-might-do-something-drastic kind of way, just in a I'm-going-to-work-myself-into-an-ulcer-or-heart-attack kind of way.) I know that the stress is due to my personality of being a perfectionistic, type A, people pleaser. Somewhere along the way over the past year and a half I've lost the ability to relax. I have a hard time falling asleep. Even though I'm exhausted each night, my mind races for quite a long time before I fall asleep. I feel like I've been running on adrenaline the past year and a half. I'm constantly doing something, because I feel like I always have something that I have to do. I do love my life, I just need to figure out a better way of living it.

Last week Carlos was complaining that a particular body part hurt. After two days I took him in to see the doctor. She took one look at it, showed me what was going on, and referred us to a specialist. She then asked me what was going on with his face. He had red, dry, bumpy patches under his nose and around and under his mouth. He had been sneezing and blowing his nose all night, so to me it just looked like he had done that too much. She looked into his throat and then swabbed his tonsil. It came back positive for Strep! And she said that what was on his face was impetigo, the strep virus on skin - highly contagious. My first thought was: Gosh, I'm so glad all four of us sleep next to each other in the same room! So our little guy was prescribed antibiotics for the strep, a cream for the impetigo, and we got in to see the specialist that same afternoon. The specialist informed us that Carlos needed surgery. The earliest they could schedule it was a week later. (Which is today, actually. The surgery went well and Carlos is recovering nicely. He will be up and around with not too many problems by tomorrow, so he and all of us will still be able to enjoy our Christmas festivities.)

So this has all taken place in just a few short weeks. But, like I said in my title of this post, we have been struck down quite a bit this month, but we are not destroyed. Amidst this chaos has been some beauty. There is a story of a dollhouse, one of an elf, and another of brotherly (and sisterly) love.

For Christmas I decided that I wanted us to give Maria a dollhouse. She plays with one at speech therapy and has so much fun. At the store I work at we sell a really nice wooden house, wooden furniture, and wooden doll family (and with brown skin too! Hard to find!) But even with my discount it's pricey. So I started looking on craigslist. I looked for a couple of different nights, but few were selling doll houses and no one was selling one that I was interested in. But then one night I saw a posting for a Fisher Price Loving Family doll house that included all of the furniture and dolls. It was $35.00. I looked it up on Amazon and found out what a great deal that was! I emailed the woman and said that I was interested and asked if she could email me a photo. She wrote back the next day and said that I was the second person to contact her. The first person was supposed to call her that day, but if she didn't, she would contact me. That night I received an email from her saying that the woman never called and that she'd send me a photo tomorrow. So the next day the photo arrived in the afternoon, and it was confirming. It was a really nice doll house in great shape, and it also included a car which I hadn't known about previously. Maria would love it! I wrote her back and said I would like it and that I could pick it up the next day. But then all evening I just didn't feel completely at peace. I felt unsettled. After the kids went to bed I looked at the photo again. Although it was a great doll house, it wasn't wood like I had wanted. What Kevin and I want for our kids and family just didn't fit with this toy. We don't like big plastic toys around our house. We have some, but we really prefer wooden and natural and green toys if we can help it. So I just felt this pull between two worlds. This doll house didn't fit well with our family but was priced affordably. A wooden doll house would fit our family, but was unaffordable. Do we just buy a family and maybe a few pieces of wooden furniture for Maria for Christmas and then save up to get her a doll house and more furniture later? Or do we just say: you know what, we can't afford what we want. That is the reality for most people. So just suck it up, and be grateful for what we can afford. The latter is what we decided and I felt okay with this. Before going to bed I checked my email one last time and there was an email from the seller. She said that she feels really badly but her daughter came home from school, saw the doll house all set up, and now doesn't want to sell it. She hasn't played with it in two years, but loved the way her mom (the seller) had arranged everything. She has two other doll houses so her mom asked her which one she would be okay with selling. Her daughter said that she'd be willing to sell her wooden doll house and so this email to me was asking how I felt about having a wooden one instead! She'd sell it to me for the same price. Incredible! I would never have thought to ask God for a wooden doll house for Maria, but He knew and fulfilled that desire of mine. Isn't that beautiful?!? (This email came the night before Kevin took my car in and discovered all of the problems with it.)

Yesterday there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a man I didn't recognize standing there. He asked if I was Stephanie and when I said yes, he handed me what looked to be a tin of cookies and he said, "I'm supposed to tell you that this is from an elf. That's all I can say." And then he turned around and left. I looked across the street, thinking it was our neighbor's quirky way this year of delivering their annual Christmas cookies. I opened it up to find a note that said, "God loves you and so do we!" Under the note were not cookies at all, but coins! Lots and lots of coins! There was tissue paper underneath and I noticed a corner of something sticking out. I lifted the tissue paper to find dollar bills! And then under that tissue paper was more dollar bills! And then under that layer and the next and the next and the next were more and more bills! What?!? Who would do this for us? We still have no idea, but to the elves out there: THANK YOU SO MUCH! What a beautiful gift to us! We are humbled and grateful.

And then lastly, ever since the accident I have been wanting to get new car seats for the kids. The timing also coincided with me learning more about car seats and car seat safety at work, as we sell a top of the line brand there. The more I have found out, the more I realize how unsafe the car seats and booster seats we've been using for the kids are. They are expired (didn't know they could expire!) and don't attach to the car in a very safe manner. Most of the car seats on the market, although approved, are not the safest that they can be. There are many features lacking that have been proven to be much more life-saving. (I'm not going to go into detail here about all that I've learned about car seat safety, but feel free to ask me about it anytime.) Knowing this, it's hard for me to be okay with just buying any ol' new seat. But the ones that are the safest are of course the most expensive. So again, my battle in my head goes on about what to do. I was talking to my sister and brother-in-law about this yesterday and do you know what they did today? They bought us new car seats for the kids, the ones that I really wanted that we sell at the store I work at! Another beautiful gift from two beautiful people.

God provides. He rescues. He loves. We are humbly reminded of that as we celebrate Jesus' birthday this week. Merry Christmas!

Struck down, but not destroyed

2010-12-10T15:40:00.000-05:00

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Thankful

2010-11-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

On this the last night of our Thanksgiving weekend, I thought that I would take some time to reflect on what I am thankful for:

For my children who are funny and frustrating, beautiful and bewildering, and exhausting yet exhilerating. We've had many difficult times over the past eight months, but I know that we are becoming a cohesive family. It is slow and painful work, but when those sweet moments between Carlos and Maria happen every once in a while and they are belly-laughing together, it is all worth it. I love them both very much and am so thankful to God for bringing them into our lives and creating this family of ours.

For my wonderful, kind-hearted, loving husband. We're a good team. Thank you God for opening our hearts to each other over ten years ago, and may You continue to work in and through us and our marriage!

For a God who loves me more than I will ever know, despite my failures and many, many short-comings. I have felt very distant from Him ever since being in Colombia. This distance isn't from Him though; I know that He is always near me. It's me who has been distant from Him. I haven't made time over these past months to just be still and pray and then listen to Him like I used to. I do pray, actually quite often throughout the day, but my prayers are either quick and selfish or are incoherent ramblings as I'm trying to go to sleep at night but my mind keeps racing on about everything under the sun. I know that He hears me and that He knows my heart and what I'm actually wanting to say or needing to say, but oh do I miss those times when I could feel Him near me and when I would be quiet long enough to hear Him. I am so thankful that He will not give up on me though. He is waiting with open arms for me to come close again.

For the way that God has provided for our financial needs over these past few difficult months. One of those ways is through me getting a job at a local, independent children's store. It's such a great fit for me and our family and I'm so thankful to be working there!

For parents who are so supportive of us and so generous to us in so many ways. We are very blessed to have two sets of wonderful parents!

For the friends that we've made at our new church home. One family in particular lives so close to us that we can walk to their house. We all enjoy spending time together; It feels like we've known them for years. And that is a beautiful thing.

For old friends who even though we don't see them very often or even talk to them very often, whenever we do connect it feels like no time has passed. Those friendships are so special and we are so thankful for them!

For our siblings who are beautiful, loving, awesome people! We are so lucky to have them in our lives! And for our neices and nephews who are just precious!

We have a lot to be thankful for!

Reparando

2010-10-15T01:18:00.000-04:00

Kevin and I and his parents went tonight to see the premiere of the documentary film "Reparando," which in English means "repairing." God is in the business of repairing brokenness, and there is a lot of brokenness in the people of Guatemala. They are still living in the aftermath of a 36 year civil war that ended in 1996. It tore the country apart, ravaged families, and displaced thousands upon thousands of people who tried to escape the violence. Now 75% of Guatemalans live below the poverty line, which according to the film means not having enough food and resources for the day. Some of the largest slums in Latin America can be found in Guatemala. One of them is named La Limonada, in Guatemala City. It is one mile long and half a mile wide, and sits on the outskirts of the city dump (24+ football fields in size.) Gangs and drugs and violence permeate it. Most of the 60,000 people who live there are what are called scavengers; they work 10-14 hours a day scavenging through the trash, collecting anything that may be of value in order to sell it. This is how they and their families survive day in and day out.

But amongst all of this, there is a hope that is rising. This film shares with us the stories of two individuals, Tita and Shorty, who have been restored by God from pasts of abuse and drugs and gangs. They are now working with the people of La Limonada, "to repair the next generation." Not wanting to give too much away, I'll just say that this is a powerful, moving, haunting, and beautiful film that shows the power of God's redemption in a person's life.

http://www.reparandomovie.com/

We've been so focused on Colombia this year, it felt really good tonight to come home feeling more connected to Guatemala, to have a renewed passion for this beautiful country where our son was born.

Maria's Third Birthday! October 8, 2010

2010-10-11T23:13:00.000-04:00

Our little Ia turned three years old last Friday! Ia is the name she calls herself, said like the last part of Maria, and we all think it's so cute that it's stuck as our nickname for her. :) (So as of right now our kids call each other Arlo and Ia!)

Maria's birthday was a good day. I had been practicing with her all week on how to answer the question, "How old are you?" and to hold up three fingers. She gets so proud of herself when she does this. She gets this determined little look on her face as she carefully touches her thumb to her pinky and then with concentrated effort puts up her three other fingers. I love it!

On birthday mornings I like to make that person's favorite breakfast. For Kevin that's scrambled eggs with some sauteed veggies and cheese mixed in, toast with butter, and a sausage (now soy). For Carlos it's pancakes with maple syrup and strawberry jam. For Maria, it's huevos (eggs.) She loves to eat scrambled eggs and can eat three easily! So that meal was easy: huevos, check. For lunch and dinner? Not so easy. I should have planned ahead better and made a soup for lunch and Colombian lentils for dinner maybe. But with ArtPrize going on (more about that in a later post) and our friend from NJ in town, it just didn't happen. She did not love her next two meals that day, but thankfully she's young enough that she doesn't really understand birthdays yet anyway! I did make birthday cupcakes though, and they were enjoyed by all!

As I was thinking about her special day and how to celebrate it, I realized that we do not know many of her favorite things. She's in between languages right now. She now understands English more than she does Spanish and speaks more English than Spanish, but she doesn't understand enough English or remember enough Spanish to comprehend everything we're saying or to communicate her thoughts. She shows no signs of frustration about this though, so that's good, but I was a bit saddened when I thought about how I don't know her like I know Carlos. If I wanted to buy some balloons, what color should I get? She's shown no interest in a particular color over another, so I don't know what her favorite is. What dessert should I make for her? I don't know her favorite. Etc. I know that knowledge of these things will come with time. So instead of focusing on what I don't know, I'm going to focus on (and share with you) what I do know!

Maria really enjoys riding her bike as well as riding in the carrier on the back of Kevin's bike. We think she would do this for hours if we let her! She loves to do puzzles, play with cars, and "play" with board games. She's interested in anything that Carlos has that he doesn't want her to touch. She loves pushing buttons on anything she can reach (whether or not she's allowed to!): phones, remotes, CD players, the washer and dryer, toys, etc. She wants to be held around the house when we want her to walk around freely, and she wants to walk around freely when we're out in public and we want her to be held! She is shy around those she first meets, and is very quiet. At home she talks all the time and is very loud! (A good sign that she's comfortable at home with us, right?!) And something we discovered while at Plan B during ArtPrize: she loves to play musical instruments!

Although we've been having a hard time with her lately (Maria can be naughty!! Another sign that she's now comfortable with us?), we love her to pieces! Her smile and laugh can brighten up a room. She is a gift from God, precious in His sight (and in ours!)

The Days of Summer 2010

2010-10-10T00:31:00.000-04:00

I was planning on updating photos at the end of every month, but then it was the end of July and I still hadn’t posted photos from May or June yet. So I thought that I might as well wait and just post photos from the entire summer. And now suddenly it’s October. Can anyone relate?!? :)

We got a cat! His name is Alex and Carlos is enamored with him!

We picked black raspberries from our backyard and made jam. Delicious!

We went to the beach more this summer than we had in the past several summers combined. Both of the kids absolutely love to play in the sand!

We went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City with Kevin's parents, sisters, and their kids.
We all had a blast!

Kevin's grandparents with all of their great grandkids!

A Long Overdue Update

2010-07-28T21:04:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure where to begin as it's been so long since I've written. The past couple of months have been full: full of activities, full of appointments, full of family, full of...life.

It feels like we have now settled into a "normal" way of life, albeit a new "normal" from our life before Maria. Although we've never been a family who has the same schedule week after week, month after month like most, it does feel like we have a natural rhythm going. It feels good.

Carlos has been in summer school over the past six weeks. Tomorow is his last day. Fifteen Kindergarten students out of the five Kindergarten classrooms were chosen to participate this summer, and Carlos was one of them. His Kindergarten teacher was the one teaching the class, so it felt very natural to Carlos. He had no anxiety. Plus, a few of the students from his school year class were chosen as well, so that made it much easier for him to go, knowing several of the students. He had one week off after the school year was over, and then he has been going every Monday through Thursday morning. With being absent from school for six weeks this spring due to being in Colombia and because of Eric's passing, summer school has really helped Carlos improve his writing and speaking in Spanish! He will now be ready for first grade!

As I mentioned in previous posts, Carlos has been seeing a counselor once a week for several months now. He has been making such great progress with the processing of his emotions, his fears, his security, his identity. There have been no intense outburts for the past month, and he is enjoying his life more. He is more at ease, more grounded. He and Maria play really well together for good periods of time throughout each day. At one point this week I asked him if he hated his sister still, and he said no! Their relationship now seems like a typical sibling relationship. Praise God!

Kevin has done a beautiful job talking with Carlos through all of his questions, thoughts, and emotions. Kevin puts him to bed almost every night, and he has created a safe, loving space for Carlos to talk with him each night before going to sleep. Carlos knows that he can ask any question, that they can talk about anything. There are some nights where their talks last only a few minutes before Carlos drifts off to sleep, but there have been many, many nights where they are talking for an hour to an hour and a half. This takes a tremendous amount of patience and strength and wisdom on Kevin's part as, even though we all want what's best for our kids and to give them what they need, we as parents do all look forward to the time each night when the kids are asleep and we can have some "me" and/or "us" time. Kevin has sacrificed many, many hours of work and relaxation to give Carlos the time he needs to process through all that's going on in his little head. What a blessing Kevin is to this family. He is an amazing father. I am so proud of him!

Besides going to school and counseling, Carlos has been enjoying our trips to the beach, catching toads in the yard, reading (he can read books in Spanish AND English!), drawing, playing with friends and cousins, and going fishing with Daddy. (Carlos LOVES fishing, and we're not sure where he got that from! Kevin is NOT a fisherman, but bless his heart he has learned all about it and takes Carlos. I tell ya, he's quite the dad!)

And now for Maria! Over the past month and a half, she has seen the pediatric opthamologist and the pediatric endocrinologist. Both said that everything looks good and is normal! The endocrinologist did have us do more bloodwork to check Maria's hormone levels and also get an x-ray of her hand and wrist to check her bone maturation, which we did last week. If everything looks good, then he'll just want to see us once a year for a checkup. Same with the opthamologist. So all is well on the medical front!!

Oh, and we have health insurance for Maria now! We qualified for Michigan's Healthy Kids coverage for both kids for the year, and they retroed it to start in March so all of Maria's appointments, blood work, x-rays, etc., are covered!! This is a huge praise to God!

A woman from Early On services of Michigan has been coming to our home once a month starting last month to give us support for Maria educationally until Maria is 36 months old. She came yesterday for the second time and was amazed at the progress Maria has made in just one month! Her language has really blossomed. She easily has about 75 words now and is putting two and three words together. Her play is more focused, her pincer grasp is strong...she is just learning and growing like crazy! She's still quite behind her same aged peers in language, (which I don't notice until we're around other two year old little girls!) but at the rate she's going, she'll catch up in no time!

In the past two weeks, Maria's independence and stubbornness have been shining through. And a little bit of naughtiness too! She has learned the word "mine" and really enjoys using it, even when it's not true! She also says "this way" and likes to direct our paths whenever we're out walking. It's so very cute!

Oh, I almost forgot to report that she's been sleeping through the night ever since our curtains fell down! We thought of everything that it could possibly be except that it was too dark! Now that we leave the curtains partially open through the night, she sleeps great! It's been wonderful not dreading going to bed!

This summer Maria has been enjoying playing in the agua (any agua!), going to the beach (she LOVES the sand, just like her big brother does!), mowing the grass with Daddy (she rides on his back in the Ergo), going for walks with Momma, and just playing! Her favorite toys are cars, blocks, the train set, and costume jewelry - that's our well-rounded little girl!

Kevin has been keeping busy with library visits and collaborating with other local artists and creative thinkers for ArtPrize 2010. If you want to find out more about what their doing, you'll have to contact Kevin. You can check him out on Facebook. It's very cool stuff!

I have just been busy being a mom, wife, and home maker! And boy do I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day! I am excited to say that I cook a Colombian meal once a week - that's been delicious. When we first got home I tried numerous recipes a week, but over the months we've narrowed down our favorites. Our family's favorite meal is a Colombian lentil dish that we eat with white rice. The kids want me to make it once a week, and it makes great left overs, so I've been trying to do that. They both gobble it down! There is a great cookbook that I use that was recommended by several adoptive moms called "The Secrets of Colombian Cooking." Now if only I could find a great Guatemalan cookbook! I have a few recipes, but all are with meat, so....my search continues...

I would love to have included photos with this post, but I'll have to save those for another day. Until then!

The Updated Family Photos

2010-06-08T22:40:00.000-04:00

Carlos and Maria - an Update

2010-05-27T01:06:00.000-04:00

I wanted to give an update on how things have been going with Maria and with Carlos. We've had quite a journey with these little ones these past couple of months. First of all, they are precious! My heart tonight was just filled with so much love for both of them. We had such a fun, relaxing, and enjoyable dinner together, and it just felt so right. This family of four that God put together...wow...it's amazing. He knew from the beginning of time what our family would be. And what an awesome responsibility that is for us as parents to reflect upon. God specifically chose Kevin and I to be the parents of Carlos and of Maria. Out of all of the people in the entire world, He chose us. Who we are and who we will become will impact these two little lives like no one else will. Please God, give us your wisdom and strength. Guide us as we partner with You to teach and encourage and discipline and love.

So as you know, Maria was diagnosed with Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum, which means that she is missing the middle section of her brain that connects the two hemispheres together. This is a pretty rare condition, and the effects of it can be very severe impairment or, as we're learning, no impairment at all. We said yes to God to welcome this little child into our home not knowing what our journey with her was going to look like, not worrying about the potentially frightening realities of parenting a child with moderate to severe special needs. No parent knows what their journey with their child will look like, yet we did know some possible scenarios regarding Maria based on what we've read about most kids diagnosed with ACC.

And I think that's the key word right there: diagnosed. Most kids who are diagnosed with ACC were diagnosed because there were problems or indicators that something wasn't functioning/happening like it should with typical development, and so they underwent testing and an MRI to determine what was going on. So the infants and children who were showing signs of difficulty are the ones with ACC who are most often diagnosed. What we've found out recently from several doctors is that there are thousands of people walking around this earch without their corpus collosum and don't even know it! There have been many, many cases where a person went in for an MRI for something later in their life and through that process found out that they have ACC. They have been functioning normally their whole life and no one knew or would have suspected that they were missing such an important part of their brain! Amazingly, we think that's what's going on with Maria.

The U.S. Embassy doctor in Colombia whom we saw in order to be allowed to exit Colombia and come back into the States said that he would never have known or suspected that she has ACC if I didn't tell him or if he hadn't read it in her medical file. He said that she is functioning normally and he has no concerns for her health! Although this was good news and confirmed what we were seeing in her while with her in Colomiba, we still didn't know if that was completely true or if that would remain true of her. We took her to the pediatrician's office about a month ago though, and he said the same thing! He said that he would never have ordered an MRI done because he never would have suspected that there was anything atypical about her. He did want us to have her MRI scans over-read by a pediatric radiologist at DeVos Children's Hospital though, just to get their perspective and expertise. They confirmed that she is missing her corpus collosum, but also said that there are cysts in her brain and that there is something not quite right with her optic nerves. Our pediatrician said that he wasn't concerned, but wanted to refer us to a pediatric neurologist anyway since there are several things going on with her brain and the neurologist would be the best person to check her out to see what if anything is going on.

So we went and saw the pediatric neurologist two weeks ago. Once again, he confirmed that Maria is developing well, is alert and bright, and he doesn't forsee any problems with her due to her ACC. He can't make any promises of course, and we have to wait and see what she'll be like regarding academics once that comes into play for her. But for right now though, she is doing very well!

He did say that although she is doing really well right now, there are three areas of potential concern in people with ACC that we all need to be aware of. One is seisure activity. People with any brain malformation are at a higher risk than the general population for having seisure disorders, so we just need to know the signs and keep an eye on her. The second area of potential concern is optic nerve disfunction (Disfunction is my word, not his. He had a much fancier term that I can't remember!) He is referring us to a pediatric opthamologist to get her checked out since her optic nerves are a little on the small side. (Although he did say that it could just be the angle of the MRI scan of that part of her brain that is making them look a little smaller, and that possibly they are not smaller at all.) The third area of potential concern is regarding her pituitary gland. Since the pituitary gland is located in the center of the brain, people with ACC often have trouble with their pituitary system. They either hit puberty really early or really late or not at all. So, he is referring us to a pediatric endocronologist as well, just to get a baseline on Maria and so that we can establish that relationship now and can keep an eye on things as she develops.

Although going to all of these specialists sounds like she is unhealthy and has a lot of challenges to overcome, she is actually doing great and seeing all of these specialists is just to be proactive.

We had her evaluated by early childhood specialists in our district last week and they said that she is functioning at about 19 months old right now pretty much across the board. We knew she had developmental delays before we got her, and that many children who have lived in an orphanage have delays. They were not concerned with her development though, and feel like she will catch up to her same age peers over the next couple of months. Already since she's been with us she went from speaking no words spontaneosly to having a vocabulary of around 25 words and counting. And she is a fast learner! If we show her how to do something once, she has it. It's amazing. She's like a little sponge! :)

Maria is sweet, funny, silly, bright, and curious, and we love her very much!

Carlos has been having the hardest time out of all of us with this transition of becoming a family of four. He is struggling with some deep, intense emotions, and so we have started seeing an attachment and family therapist. This was our third week, and already we can tell that this was a very good decision. Carlos is very open with us about his thoughts and feelings, but he opens up to Mr. Ellis even more so, and it's so helpful to witness. If we look at what the past few months have been like for Carlos, he is doing remarkably well and has grown so much. Yes, there are still times of intense emotions from him and times of difficulty and challenges with him, but things are so much better than what they were the first couple of weeks in Colombia. Praise God for that! Please pray with us that he continues to open up and share during therapy, and that he will be open to hearing the truth about who he is in Christ, who God made him to be. (One of the issues he is struggling with is identity, as most adoptees do.) And please pray that Kevin and I will have open hearts and minds and ears to hear what Carlos is really saying through his words and actions.

Carlos is doing really well at school, and is continuing to amaze us with his capacity to learn in two languages! Last week he read part of a book in English, and part of a book in Spanish! And he is writing complete thoughts in Spanish, two sentences about the same topic. In Kindergarten! We are very proud of him.

Carlos is a thoughtful, inquisitive, curious, sensitive, kind-hearted, funny, quirky, creative boy, and we love him oh so very much!

What a gift God has given us in our children, and what a journey we are on. We thank Him and praise Him through both the good and challenging times. We shall see what unfolds for our family as we try to just take life a day at a time. :)

It Was a Crappy Day

2010-05-15T00:22:00.001-04:00

No, I mean literally. The stuff was coming up out of our drain in the basement. Apparently the flushable biodegradable inserts that I've been using to cloth diaper Maria haven't been flushing down the toilet as beautifully as I thought. So as of this morning, any time water goes down a drain in our house, unpleasant waste comes back up into our basement. Nice. Kevin called our neighbor down the street who's a plumber and he said he'd be able to come by later in the afternoon. Kevin decided to rent a machine that would clean out the pipes from the basement to the street. The rental of the machine is available for four hours or if he waited until 4:00 p.m., he could have it overnight. We decided we could wait so that he and our neighbor wouldn't have to rush to fix the problem. Well...our neighbor did come by and was able to help Kevin get the machine down to the basement. He showed Kevin what to do, and said he should be fine. Unfortunately he had a lot of other things going on tonight. So...Kevin was on his own. But it turns out that the job wasn't quite as easy as it seemed. The snake like pipe thingy would go no further than a foot down the hole. Tried as he did, he just couldn't get it any further. So now it's after five o'clock on a Friday and we have to call a plumber who will undoubtedly charge us double for having to come out on a weekend night. Ugh. So much for saving money trying to do it ourselves.

The guy is actually finally here right now - at 10:00 p.m.

It's just been that kind of a week. We've had SWARMS of crawling and flying ants trying to start new colonies in our roommate's bathroom, a toilet that overflowed with - you guessed it - and flooded the bathroom floor, leaking down into the aforementioned roommate's bedroom, our bathroom has been out of commission for over a week due to our reglazing of the tub and sink (it's been chipping so much that the chips were getting stuck under the kids' nails during their baths) (it was only supposed to take three days), our phone, cable, and internet went out yesterday for the entire day, and we found out that our insurance will not add Maria to our policy even though we were told by our agent before we left for Colombia that she'd be added as soon as we were home. We now need to have a new policy for the four of us but anything related to a pre-existing condition of Maria's will not be covered until December. So our visit to the pediatrician's, the two blood draws she had, the visit to the pediatric neurologist, and the upcoming visits to the pediatric opthamologist and endocronologist will have to be paid out of pocket. Ugh again.

Now any one of these things on their own is simply an inconvenience. (Okay, except for maybe that last one.) But I must say that all of it piling up together like it did this week feels pretty stressful to us.

And then the really bad news is that Kevin's sister Kristi's cancer is back in full force, and this has been her first week back on chemo. She's been sick. And her husband Brian had to go to the hospital yesterday as he woke up covered in hives. They asked if he's been under any stress lately. Ummm...just a bit.

We would love your prayers. For strength and peace for us and for all of our family. The good news is that the ant guy was finally able to come today and spray, the tub guy came today as well to finally finish the job, and the AT& T guy came first thing this morning to replace our modem. So that's all been good. Tomorrow is a new day. And we'll be able to use our toilets and sinks. It's going to be okay.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." Psalm 31:24

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:5

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Only Love

2010-05-13T00:20:00.000-04:00

So the night that I wrote the previous post was the absolute worst night of sleep I can ever remember having. Maria was up most of the night. Fussing. I have no idea why. She has progressively become a worse sleeper as our time together has grown longer, but Sunday night was the worst. I spent the entire night feeling angry. And numb. It really sounds as though it is not possible to feel both, but somehow I did. I have come to dread going to bed each night because I don't know how many times she'll wake up and fuss throughout it. But tonight, when I went upstairs to comfort her in her tears (before even going to bed), I scooped up this beautiful wet mess of a girl and just hugged her tight. As I lay in bed with her, her fussing quieted down and her breathing slowed down to normal, and I couldn't help but think how amazing it is that God chose ME to be her mother. This precious little girl never had someone to hold her and rock her throughout the night before if she needed it. Never had someone lay with her in bed, holding her tight, and kissing her sweaty little curls. Until now. And so tonight, the memories of the other night are fading in importance in my mind, and tonight have been replaced with only love. And gratitude to our loving Father for putting our family together.

Reflections on Mother's Day

2010-05-09T22:53:00.003-04:00

The only thing I wanted today was to not have to cook or clean. I wanted a day to just be, and not do. A day that I can take a nap if I want to, and not feel guilty about it. A day to relax and enjoy. But as the day has progressed, although my wonderful and caring husband did his very best, the day just didn't unfold as peacefully as each of us hoped. It was a tough day. Carlos is really struggling a lot with all of the huge changes in his life right now, and his behavior and attitude are reflecting this. (We are starting counseling on Wednesday...more on this later.) Leaving church today I just felt so down. It feels like there is no place for us there right now. It's way too soon to put Maria in the nursery, and Carlos doesn't want to go if Maria doesn't have to go. And since he's been gone from it for over two months, we don't blame him. So as soon as the songs are over, we have to leave the sactuary. They are just too noisy, even when they are behaving well. They are just being two and five, but we don't want to disturb others so we leave. There is a cry room off of the sanctuary, but it's really meant for moms with babies who need to be fed or rocked to sleep. They tolerate us in the there when we've tried that in weeks past, but we know it's not meant for us. And the lobby has speakers, but they are so quiet we can't hear what the pastor is saying. So where do we go? Back home. I know that this is just the phase that we are in right now, but I miss being at church. So today leaving church I just cried. It's frustrating and difficult for our family right now. We're just in a really hard place, with so much going on, so many emotions involved. And I know that Kevin felt bad that this was Mother's Day and it wasn't giving me the relaxation and enjoyment he wanted for me, and that I wanted for me too. The more I thought about it though, as the afternoon progressed on, the more my heart began to change. I don't know why it did, but I'm very thankful for it.
As I stood there doing dishes and baking a cake with the kids (Kevin was taking care of the curtains that fell off the wall in our bedroom - a very frustrating and draining home repair!), I had this thought: Maybe today isn't about me, as far as having a day to do whatever I would like to do, a day to rest and relax. Maybe it's a day about completely embracing my motherhood. Maybe it's a day to strive to be the very best mom I can be. Yes, I know I should do that every day, but maybe on Mother's Day that striving should be extra sweet and full of meaning. It's a day where I should be counting my blessings, not looking to be blessed. God has given me two beautiful, amazing children, and has trusted me with their care. Mother's Day should be a day that I intentionally look at them through His eyes and see them for who He has made them to be. And rejoice in that! And enjoy being a mom - with all the ups and downs that that entails - and do all the mom things that I normally do, but on this day, with a renewed passion for why I do them. Motherhood is a blessing, it's a gift, and today I am very thankful to be a mom!

Our First Month Home!

2010-05-04T23:08:00.001-04:00

We lost a great man yesterday

2010-04-22T23:50:00.001-04:00

A few months ago I posted about Kevin's family, and the things that were going on health wise with his sister Kristi, and our brother-in-law Eric. Well, with a heavy heart I need to write that yesterday Eric went to be with our Lord. We rejoice that he is no longer in pain, that he's no longer suffering, and that he is now at peace forever, but he will be dearly missed.

The following will appear in the GR Press on Friday and Sunday:

Eric J. Fox, age 40, of Grandville, formerly of Jenison, went to be with his Savior on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 after a courageous, five year battle with ALS. His genuine love of life and for people gave him the ability to make friends in minutes. Eric has fought the good fight, he has finished the race and has kept the faith. He was loved and will be dearly missed by his wife of 14 years, Lori; his children, Zach and Maddie; parents, James and Joan Fox; sister, Julie Fox; brother, Jary (Erica) Fox and their children, Emma and Katelyn; parents-in-law, Steve and Linda Kammeraad; sister-in-law, Kristi (Brian) Rogalske and their children, Ashley, Nathan and Emily; brother-in-law, Kevin (Stephanie) Kammeraad and their children, Carlos and Maria; and many extended family members and friends.

Funeral services will be held Monday at 10:00am at Kentwood Community Church, 1200 60th St. SE, Kentwood with Pastor Rob Reynolds officiating. Interment Fort Custer National Cemetery.
Those who wish may make memorial contributions to ALS Association, or Global Partners c/o Rob and DaNae Reynolds.
Relatives and friends may meet the family Saturday from 7-9 pm, Sunday from 2-4 and 7-9pm at Matthysse-Kuiper-DeGraaf Funeral Home (Grandville) 4145 Chicago Drive SW.
Condolences may be sent online at www.mkdfuneralhome.com or the family’s blog at http://www.ericjfox.blogspot.com/.

November 2009

July 2008

Our Last Days in Bogota - Part 2

2010-04-09T23:51:00.000-04:00

On the Saturday that Kevin came back to Colombia, during the day Katya (the owner of Hotel Paris) took Carlos, Maria, and I to a park where she used to take her sons when they were growing up. It was such a fun place for kids to run, jump, climb, swing, balance, slide, etc! Valeria (the hotel manager) and her seven year old daughter Camilla also came with us. So much fun! I felt honored that Katya invited us.

Carlos and Camilla jumping on the huge trampolines

Camilla and Carlos

Carlos' first photo with Daddy back in Colombia!

The next morning after Kevin flew back was a Sunday, so we all went to the markets one last time. And then Kevin and Carlos went back to Parque Duque to the zoo, where Carlos and I had gone only two days before with the Schrotenboers. He really enjoyed it there and wanted to show Daddy the monkeys and to ride on the paddle boats that we weren't able to ride when we were there since Maria was too little. They had a beautiful, fun, and relaxing time together, playing together and watching the monkeys playing for hours that afternoon!

The next day was our last day in Bogota, and it was a beautiful sun-shiny day! We walked to the local park, then to Juan Valdez for coffee and their huge cookie, and then on to Maku (the three-story artesian market) for some last minute shopping.

It felt so good to be together as a family of four, just strolling through our familiar section of Bogota, enjoying each other and taking in our last hours hours of this beautiful country that is now forever in our hearts!

Our last family photo in Colombia!

Our Last Days in Bogota - Part 1

2010-04-09T13:25:00.000-04:00

The last day that Natalie was here we went downtown to the Candalaria District. We visited the Botero Museum, an art museum that was started when Fernando Botero donated over 100 pieces of his art. Botero is a Colombian arist, known best for his "larger than life" paintings of his subjects.

This was one of my favorite Botero pieces. It's simply titled "El Pajaro" (which in English is "The Bird")

Speaking of birds, after the museum and a lunch of traditional Colombian food at this tiny restaurant, we went to Bolivar Square. (Simon Bolivar is the man responsible for freeing Colombia from Spain in the Battle of Boyaca on August 7, 1819. Below is a statue of Bolivar which stands near the center of the square:)

The reason I said "speaking of birds" above is because that's what they should re-name the square to: Bird Square! There were pigeons everywhere!! A few minutes after we arrived at the square and took the photos that you see above, Carlos exclaimed with glee, "It's pigeon land!" He and Maria spent the next twenty minutes running amongst the pigeons in pure joy!

"The Bird Lady," as we referred to her as! (That's a huge bag of bird seed in her hands.)

A couple of days after Natalie flew back home, I decided that I wanted to take the kids to Parque Duque. I've heard that it's a lot of fun for kids, with a zoo and amusements rides, and I knew that it wasn't too far out of the city. (We passed it on our way to Panaca that first week we were in Colombia.) I invited our friends the Schrotenboers to come with us. (We met Becky Schrotenboer at the Colombian Connection dinner at the Tanners' house back in November that I mentioned in previous posts. Becky and Scott and their four year old daughter Ally arrived a few days before to adopt their new son, Will, from Los Pisingos!) We had a really nice afternoon together!

That's a squirrel...in an exhibit at the zoo...yes, you read that right! I found this to be hilarious so I had to take some photos!

Maria, Carlos, and Ally taking a break after all of our walking

The Schrotenboers had to leave the park early, but Carlos, Maria, and I stayed two more hours. We had a good time together, until we had problems catching the little train back to the front of the park to meet our driver. To make a long story short, after waiting over an hour for a train I assumed ran regulary (but there were no posted signs that I saw nor did I have a schedule or map or anything), and after I had a complete breakdown, we made it back to the hotel in one piece just before dinner. Just another adventure in Colombia!

Easter Family Photo

2010-04-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

We're Home!

2010-03-31T21:47:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update to let everyone know that we arrived home late last night safe and sound! The kids did great during our day of traveling and slept very soundly through the night. (Thank you, God!)

I made pancakes for breakfast, but then had no energy to make anything for lunch or dinner! I felt absolutely exhausted today and walked around in a fog.

Kevin took Carlos to school this afternoon near the end of the day so that he could see his teacher and classmates. They were so excited to see him! They had lots of questions for him (in Spanish) and Kevin said he did really well answering them. He also gave them the little gifts we got for them all. It was a good experience and will help Carlos feel ready for school tomorrow. (Then he'll be off for spring break for ten days.)

While they were gone, Maria and I walked to Kingma's Market (our locally owned little grocery store). I think this was a bit more ambitious than maybe I should have been today! When Kevin and Carlos got back, I was struggling to stay awake while playing with Maria. I had to take a nap, my whole mind and body was aching to take a nap, so Kevin was so sweet to play with the kids while I quickly drifted off to sleep on the couch. I awoke 45 minutes later to my family calling me for dinner - pizza!

A little walk outside after dinner, and then we put the kids to bed. It was a good day! I miss Colombia, but it feels good to be home!

P.S. I'm hoping to update the blog sometime in the next week or so with photos from our last days in Colombia! :)

Kevin is here!

2010-03-28T15:16:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update to let you know that Kevin arrived safely last night! It was so great to see him!! Carlos woke up in the middle of the night and said "Daddy!!" He jumped into our bed and kept saying, "I'm so happy!" He talked a mile a minute for about twenty minutes, telling Daddy all about so many things. We have one very happy little boy today! And it's pancake day, so that makes the day even more special! Right now the two of them are at Parque Jaime Duque, spending a special afternoon together. I'm about to wake Maria up from her nap (or else she won't fall asleep well tonight).

Here is our flight info for Tuesday night if anyone wants to come to the airport to say hello!:

We arrive March 30th in Grand Rapids at 10:34 p.m.
Delta, Flight #5434

How We're Doing

2010-03-27T21:52:00.000-04:00

I've been writing so much about what we've been doing lately, that I haven't shared about HOW we've been doing. I thought I would do that before Kevin comes back tonight and we are reunited as a family of four.

It's been emotionally up and down for all of us over these past five weeks, but it's neat to see where we are at now compared to when we started our journey in Colombia.

Carlos has come quite far and has been doing very well overall. When we first got Maria he was filled with such raw emotion - such anger and hatred and sadness and jealosy. Those have all lessened so much, and we are so thankful to God for that. My prayer for him is that God would continue to work inside of him, molding him and shaping him into the little boy that He wants him to be. I pray that love (and like) for his sister would continue to grow daily, and that he knows and feels how loved he is by God and by us. I pray that his self-love would grow too, as he can be really hard on himself and many times has expressed how he doesn't think he's on God's team. Please pray with us that his heart and mind will be open to God's presence in his life in a way that he can understand and know, and that he would come to love God's word and hide it in his heart.

Carlos has been slowly learning how to be a brother: how to understand his sister's words, grunts, screeches, and cries in response to what he says and does to her, how to talk to her, how to play with her, how to share his toys, how to teach her (instead of grab her) when she is doing or touching something that he doesn't want her to, how to share his mama - this one is the hardest! The two of them fight over my lap, my arms, and my attention all of the time! They are both learning that mama has two children and she loves them both. It's difficult for both of them! (And for me!)

Carlos misses his dad very much. It was hardest the first week that Kevin was gone, especially at bedtime, but since then there still have been times when he feels really sad and cries. At first Carlos refused to skype with Kevin, as he said it would make him too sad to see him and talk to him. This was really hard for Kevin, and hurt him as he longed to talk to his son. (They have such a beautiful and strong relationship.) Thankfully one night when Carlos was really upset, we skyped with Kevin and had Kevin actually put him to bed! He read books to Carlos and sang and prayed with him, as if he was right here with us. I put the computer in bed with Carlos and he was just so happy! We did this a few nights in a row, and I think this is what started to turn the tides for him. Carlos seems more relaxed now and looks forward to skyping with Daddy, but it doesn't have to be every day. So this has all been a great improvement.

Carlos can be very kind and thoughtful, and I love that I am seeing more and more of that each day now!

I don't even know where to start with Maria! She has grown so much over these past weeks! When we first got her, she was quiet and a bit shy. As the days and weeks have gone by, she has shown us more and more of her goofy and devious personality! She likes to play and laugh and do everything her big brother does! And she loves to get into things - she likes to see everything that's going on and be a part of it! (I think her favorite thing is to sneak up to the computer and turn it off! Such a pretty green button all lit up! She can be such a stinker!)

When we went to Los Pisingos the day before we picked her up, we were told that she repeats words but doesn't say words that come from within her. Well, she is showing us something different! After a few days she started saying "Arlo" (Carlos) and "caio" while waving to people as they or we left. After a week she was also saying "hola" and "mas" (which means "more" in Spanish.) Since then she now says about a dozen words! Every day she is saying a new word or showing us something new that we didn't know she could do. It is so cool! Praise God for how well she is doing! The U.S. Embassy doctor said he wouldn't have known that she is missing her corpus collosum if I didn't tell him and if he hadn't read it in her file. He was very impressed with how healthy she is and how she's developing! :)

As for me, I have been doing pretty well. There have been some tough moments for sure, with bedtime being the hardest for me since Kevin's been gone. There was one night about two weeks ago where it took me over two and a half hours to put the kids to bed and I was so frustrated and exhausted that I skyped with Kevin and just cried for forty-five minutes while all he could do was just sit there and watch! That was a rough night. There have been a few more similar but not as intense nights, but other than that things have been going well. After Carlos came home I struggled with intense feelings of anger and frustration, mostly centered around sleeping, feelings that I never knew existed within me. It was scary, and I cried a lot. For weeks. And months. I found out that there is such a thing as post-adoption depression, and I know that's what I had. Because of that intense time, I was a bit nervous as to how I would respond once Maria came into our family. I prayed a lot about it, and I am so thankful to God that I've only had a few nights where my intense anger reared it's ugly head. Other than those few times, for the most part, I have felt really good. From the moment that we received Maria, it has felt so natural. It's been an incredible experience becoming her mom. Carlos took about a year and a half to securely attach to me, and I feel like Maria has been attaching right away. I am so thankful for this! Overall, I feel like a stronger person from this time in Colombia, and more laid-back as a mom. (Those of you who knew me when I first became a mom can pick your jaws up off the floor now! :)

I love our family of four, and can't wait for us to be reunited tonight and tomorrow!

The National Park in Bogota

2010-03-23T23:38:00.001-04:00

Carlos took this picture and the next two! I think we have a budding photographer on our hands!

A Crazy Day, Followed By a "Normal" One (whatever that is!)

2010-03-23T01:51:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was Natalie's birthday, and it was a crazy day!

It started with Carlos waking up just before 7:00 a.m. and excitedly jumping into our bed saying "It's pancake day!" He loves pancakes, they're one of his favorite foods, so he always looks forward to Sundays here. :)

After breakfast several families all went to the market together. We realized it would be too difficult to all try and stay together, so we decided to meet for lunch at Crepes and Waffles around noon. I wanted to take Natalie there since they have such delicious food and amazing desserts. So Natalie and the kids and I walked around the market and we had a really good time. We found some great things.

We got to the restaurant at noon and our friends had gotten there a bit earlier as their kids were hungry. We totally understood, but when we joined them at their table they were almost done eating. The wait staff completely ignored that we joined their table even though they kept glancing ovr at us. Then our waitress came over finally and I asked for the menu. She brought us the brunch menu, not the lunch menu which is much larger. So I asked her when she came back and she not too pleasantly told me that we can't order from it until 12:30. I told her we would wait, but that I wanted to order for the kids now. She was clearly annoyed with me, took the order for the kids, and then walked away. (This was all in Spanish. I was doing my best!)

So at 12:45 she took our order, and I made sure to ask for mine "sin queso" (without cheese). A half hour later when our food came out, my crepe was covered in this cheesy, milky looking sauce. (For those who don't know, I have IBS and can't eat dairy.) I apologized to the waitress who brought it but said that I can't eat it because I have an allergy to milk and cheese. She looked really confused and I tried to explain again, but then she took my plate and left. I thought that they would just bring out a new one without the sauce, but Natalie wasn't convinced that they understood. So ten minutes later our waitress came out with my plate and glared at me and said "Que paso?" I apologized to her and told her that I ordered it without cheese because I can't eat cheese or milk, that I have an allergy. She was so angry and fired off at me in really fast and angry Spanish and the gist was quite clear to Natalie and I: that it said on the menu that there was a cream sauce and that I have to pay for this because they made it for me. I told her that I didn't see it on the menu, I'm really sorry, but I can't eat this. She said that I had to pay for it and then glared at me some more! So I asked her to please wait a minute and I got out my Spanish/English dictionary. (Natalie told me that she was rolling her eyes at this point.) I looked up the word for "manager" and then pointed to it as I asked to see the manager. She said OK and then walked away. Ten minutes later the manager came by and asked me what happened. She spoke English which made it much easier for me to explain. She was nice and understanding and explained that all of their crepes have this sauce on it. She told me that I should order a pita and then handed me an English menu and said if I have any questions I can ask her. Ten minutes after that (it's now getting close to 2:00 p.m.!) the waitress took my order. About ten or so minutes after that my food came. I was so hungry, almost weak at that point. The food tasted really good!

The kids did great during all of this, they really did. What a gift. And the food was delicious. Carlos had an icecream and loved it, but Natalie ended up not ordering any dessert because we didn't want to be there any longer. I felt bad. I took her to this restaurant specifically for the delicious food and desserts, and it ended up being a terrible experience! Despite all of this, I don't want to paint a bad picture of the restuarant. It's normally wonderful. I relate this experience only because of what else happened yesterday as well, so that you can get the full picture of what a crazy day this was!

So after we left we walked back through the market. There were still parts that we hadn't gone through. All of a sudden Natalie didn't feel well and needed to find a bathroom. I knew there was a bathroom in the Santa Barbara mall at the end of the market, so we hurried there. There is also a playground there so we thought it would be good to let the kids run around and play for awhile after we made our pit stop. We were at the playground not even five minutes when I turned around and Carlos was standing right next to me with his face covered in dirt and blood! He had fallen off the swing onto his face! It happened so fast, I didn't even see it. I was helping Maria climb the ladder and cross the bridge. I felt so bad! It really hurt. So I scooped up both kids and we sat with Natalie in the shade as I cleaned him up. (As a side note, Maria normally starts to cry if I am not within arms reach of her at all times. When I gave her to Natalie she started to fuss, but after a minute or two it's like she understood that Carlos really needed me and she sat quietly and contentedly on Tia's lap watching.)

Carlos was in no mood to walk the mile back to the hotel, and wanted to be carried, so I put him in the Ergo carrier on my back, put the backpack on my front, and Natalie carried Maria and our purses. We started off for the hotel but had to pass a few more booths of the market to get to the street we needed to cross. We had to stop for a moment for something and when I looked over at the booth across from us they were selling, among other things, a wrap to carry little ones in. We bought one without hesitation, for Natalie to carry Maria in!

I wrapped Maria to her Tia, and off we went. We got about a quarter of a mile when Natalie suddenly felt very ill again. Her stomach hurt, she felt hot, she had to stop and take Maria off. It was too much. We rested for a few minutes but she really wanted to get back to the hotel. So I carried Maria on my front, with Carlos still on my back, and Nat took the backpack. About five minutes later she needed to stop again. At this point I knew we couldn't make it. So I walked up to the road and hailed the first taxi that went by. It stopped. (My first hailing was a success! Thank you God!)

We made it back to the hotel just in time.

She slept for about an hour and a half or so. Dinner was just rice, potatoes, and chicken, so that was just right for her to handle. Poor thing though - she couldn't have a beer or a coffee or dessert on her birthday!

After dinner I wanted to take my Sprite with me upstairs. Natalie and I were talking in the hallway as we're herding the kids upstairs and somehow my glass slipped out of my hand and smashed all over the floor! Ahh! What a fitting end to a crazy day!

Here is a photo of Carlos's nose last night before going to bed:

Today was much better, although I went to bed with a sore throat last night that I woke up with as well. I felt run down. We actually got to sleep in though as both kids slept until 8:00 a.m.! We started our day off slowly but then decided to walk leisurely to the mall, to buy some Colombian music, some groceries at Exito (one of the anchor stores), and Black Costume Spider Man that Carlos has been working towards earning over the past two weeks. Here are some photos from our walk to the mall:

I call this one boy on a bench with a stick.

Tia Natalie and Maria

Carlos with Tia Natalie

We took a taxi back to the hotel and lunch was waiting for us. After lunch we just hung out in the room all afternoon as it was raining. Here is Maria entertaining herself with the CDs that we got:

Carlos entertaining himself for a while in his "boat": the baby bathtub that he filled with pillows, a blanket, and some essential toys. He said he was sailing to New York.

We bought a chocolate cake at Exito to celebrate Natalie's birthday tonight. After dinner, Juanita cranked up some music and came dancing out into the dining room with the candle-lit cake! We were all clapping and laughing and I realized I should have a camera. I dashed upstairs to get it and while I was en route I heard much lounder peels of laughter. I ran down the stairs and into the dining room just in time to miss the dancing! Juanita had grabbed Steve (the only guy here right now as the rest of our husbands are back home working) and made him dance with her. I guess then she grabbed Natalie and made them dance together for a minute before Steve grabbed Juanita again and the three of them danced. All this in the minute and a half I was gone! I did get Juanita to pose for a picture with Natalie though:

Every day is a new adventure in Colombia!

Monseratte

2010-03-21T19:00:00.001-04:00

Monseratte is the tallest mountain peak in Bogota. We went there with Mom and Dad K. this past Monday. On top of the mountain is a beautiful old church.

There are stations of the cross along the path up to the church.

This is an awesome view of Bogota from the top of the mountain.

We traveled up the mountain in this train, and this is the view of the city

This is the inside of the train - it's slanted so that each standing area is above the next one, kind of hard to explain. It's steep.

A view of the track from the train.

It was a beautiful day!

What We've Been Up To

2010-03-20T23:55:00.000-04:00

Thursday was a busy day for us. Isabel picked Maria and I up at 10:15 a.m. so that we could be at the notary's office by 11:00 a.m. when they open. (The reason for going to the notary is to get Maria's new birth certificate.) When we got there, we walked right up to the window and our papers were sitting there ready to review and sign. I looked everything over, signed my name, paid, and that was it! It took maybe five, ten minutes tops. It was so fast that Isabel said I should give the notary a tip, so I did. And then we were on to the rest of our day....

We got back into the car and Isabel said that she didn't end up cancelling with Los Pisingos and we have plenty of time to get there by 11:30 for our tour. This was great news, except I wasn't planning on going to Los Pisingos so I didn't have my camera with me or our donations. Ugh. I was so disappointed, but I didn't say anything to Isabel.

When we got there and walked into the main building, we were greeted by Maria's group/foster mother and the psychologist. They were so happy to see her! She was very shy and reserved though, and kept burying her face into my chest. I'm sure she was very confused and nervous about whether she was coming back to stay there or not. So I just kept whispering to her, "Soy tu mama siempre. Tu eres mi hija siempre. No te preocupe. Mama esta aqui." (I am your mama always. You are my daughter always. Don't worry. Mama is here.) They then showed us into a waiting room, the same waiting room that we were at the day we picked up Maria. There were a few blocks in there so we played on the floor until Andres, the assistant director, came in. He was so happy to see Maria as well! He asked how she is and how everything is going. A few minutes later Carlos, the director, came in and he was amazed at how different, how healthy, and how happy she looks! He said she has changed so much over these short weeks. We've definitely noticed more personality in her since when we first got her, but it's been gradual so we didn't realize it would be obvious to other people. It was great to hear!

Maria and I went on the tour with Andres, and it was really good to see all of the rooms, but also sad. All these babies in their little incubator type beds - they need to be cuddled! I know they are receiving good care, but with only two care givers to fifteen babies let's say (I don't know the exact ratio), they aren't getting as much holding and talking to and cuddling and rocking and loving as they need! It was hard to see.

I got to see where Maria's room was, but I couldn't go in there and see her bed because the room was being cleaned. We did get to see Natalia again, which was sweet, and sad. Again the girls just stared at each other. I blew her kisses and I felt so bad saying good bye to those big beautiful brown eyes.

After the tour we went back to the waiting room and Isabel and I talked with Andres and Carlos for a few more minutes. The speech therapist also came in and talk with me for a few minutes. She said that she wasn't able to talk with us at our original meeting the day before we picked up Maria because she was sick, but she wanted to meet me and see how Maria is doing and to make sure that I know that she will need continued speech and language therapy when we get home. I assured her that we would do that. I was really glad to meet her.

We left LP around 12:40 and went back to the hotel for lunch. After lunch we went to the passport office and we took Carlos with us because he was missing me and didn't want to be at the hotel for several more hours without me.

Maria cried so hard while getting her picture taken, we're not sure why, so her passport photo looks so sad! We were at the passport office for maybe 45 minutes and then left with her Colombian passport in hand. It takes months in the States to get a passport, but less than an hour in Colombia! Hmmm....

On our walk from the passport office to the taxi (Isabel hires a taxi for the day and it's always one of three drivers), which was about half a block away, she got mugged! She was holding Carlos's hand, I was holding Maria, and then all of a sudden this young guy runs up behind her, rubs her ear lobs, and then darts off into the traffic! It all happend in seconds, before we even knew what happened! He ripped her earrings right out of her ears - thankfully they didn't have backs on them, they were just looped through, otherwise her ear lobs would have been ripped! We just stood there shocked for a moment. It was so fast. Her ears hurt, but we were so thankful she was not hurt worse, and that he didn't take our purses (mine was in my diaper bag, which I'm so thankful for, because who would want a bag full of baby stuff - not knowing my passport and money was in there!)

Poor Isabel! She's this sweet 70 year old woman, nicely dressed, and very sharp, but so sweet and petite. I heard the next day that she did not sleep well that night and her ears hurt. It was a very unfortunate incident, but it was an excellent reminder at how fast things can happen, and that they do happen. All of us need to be very aware and smart about things whereever we are outside of the hotel, no matter who we are with.

It was about 3:00 p.m. and we had our appointment with the U.S. Embassy doctor at 4:30 p.m. I asked Isabel if she wanted to rest and get some coffee or something, but she said no, we should just go to the doctor's and wait there for our appointment. When we got there at 3:30 they said that our appointment got moved to 5:00 p.m. Ugh. An hour and a half wait with two tired (Maria hadn't napped that day) children in a doctor's office waiting room! Lucky for us, but very unfortunate for our friend Phyllis from the hotel, we ended up being seen at 4:30 because she was there with her son but wasn't told she needed to bring his immunization records. She had to go back to the hotel to get them and then come back later to be seen, so we got moved into her time slot.

The doctor flipped through Maria's medical file, did a quick exam, and talked with me for a bit before signing off that she was healthy and could come to the U.S.

We came back to the hotel exhausted and ready for dinner!

The next morning Rachel Thompson and I left the hotel with our girls and with Carmen, Isabel's assistant and went to the ICBF headquarters to pick up our letters. We then went to the U.S. Embassy to apply for our girls' visas. This is the last step before bringing our new little one's home. It all went really well and we will come back on Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. to pick up the visas! And then that's it! We're done! We can all travel home! Kevin booked a flight for next Saturday to come to Bogota, and we'll be flying home as a family of four on Tuesday, March 30th! We're so excited!

Meanwhile, my sister Natalie flew in late Thursday night. Hi, glad you're here, I gotta leave first thing in the morning and Carlos is staying with you at the hotel - have fun! Welcome to Colombia! :) They actually had a great time - they played dinosaurs for two hours! Carlos is thrilled to have Tia Natalie here! :) I am too!

I do have some photos to post from Monday and from today, but I'm just way too tired to post them tonight. I will try to do it tomorrow or Monday! Good night!

Baby Steps

2010-03-17T22:26:00.000-04:00

So Isabel called this morning and said that she'd pick me up at 12:30 p.m. and we would go to the court to pick up our copies of our sentencia, then we'd go on to the notary, then back to Hotel Paris to pick up Maria to get her passport. She called again at 11:00 a.m. to say that the Defender of Minors just signed and since the courts are closed from 12:00-2:00 for lunch, she'd have to pick me up at 1:30 p.m. and we'd get to the court as it reopens. She said that we should take Maria with us as there wouldn't be enough time to get her passport otherwise. So, that was the plan.

It took a little while at the court and then another little while to wait for our taxi driver to come back. It was 2:40 p.m. when we got back into our taxi and the passport office closes at 3:00 p.m. so we weren't going to make it there on time. I told her that there were no worries, it will all happen in time. She felt bad, and was grateful that I wasn't upset. On to the notary. When we arrived we were told that the notary was sick and went to the doctor's so she wasn't in. They weren't sure if she was going to be back before the end of the day at 5:00 p.m. So we went back to Hotel Paris and waited until 4:15 to call and see if she came back in. She didn't. So this means that we need to cancel our appointment and tour of Los Pisingos tomorrow morning and go to the notary instead. They open at 11:00 a.m. so Isabel is picking me up at 10:15 a.m. We'll bring Maria so that we can get her passport afterwards.

So, not a lot was accomplished today, but we do have our copies of our sentencia! The first step is accomplished, so that's good! Tomorrow is another day!

Carlos did great today with Valeria. He didn't cry or put up a fuss at all when I left, which I was very thankful for. He needs to stay with her again tomorrow, so please continue to pray that all goes well with him.

I'll update more tomorrow!

Sentencia!!!

2010-03-17T00:03:00.000-04:00

We got sentencia today!! Isabel told me this morning just after 11:00 a.m. and I went to court this afternoon to sign our final adoption decree. Isabel has four families that just got sentencia over the last few days so she is very busy. She had to have her colleague's assistant, Carolina, come with me to court today as both she and her assistant, Carmen, were busy helping other families.

There are 21 courts and they are all located in one building in downtown Bogota. There are several courts on each floor which are positioned down a short hallway. They aren't courts like I pictured them from t.v. shows. Each is an office type room, with a couple of old desks and some shelving units along the wall. They are quite small. The paperwork for each case is stacked upon one another on the shelves that are labeled with letters of the alphabet, similar to what you see at a pharmacy in the states when you are going to pick up your perscription. There are no filing cabinets, that is their filing system. Each courth has a counter along the hallway where people come up to it to get what they need. There are no such things as lines, just people pushed up against one another at each counter trying to be next. At one point there were eleven people crowded together around our court's counter trying to get the worker's attention. Everyone was polite, I don't want it to seem like it's an angry mob at each counter. Actually for how disorganized it all looks, it actually runs smoothly, politely, and relatively quietly.

I signed our decree, and then Carolina noticed that the Defender of Minors hadn't signed it yet! This is exactly what happened to our friend Rachel yesterday when she got sentencia! So, we spent an hour trying to track down the Defender to see if she would sign it today, but eventually we were told that it might take another hour or two and her answer could be no (which is what happened to Rachel yesterday.) We were told that she'd be back in her office tomorrow morning and she would sign it then, so Carolina said we should come back tomorrow. I talked with Isabel after I got back to the hotel. After I told her what happened and she called my attorney, she called me back and said that she'd call me tomorrow morning after the lawyer talked to the Defender and she signs off on our case. So, today was a bit of a wasted day, but no worries. We'll just start the process officially tomorrow instead!

So since I'll be running around tomorrow and Thursday, I'll need to have Valeria, the hotel manager watch the kids for me. I don't know how they'll do, emotionally I mean. Please pray that they will have an enjoyable time, that it goes by quickly for them, and that Maria won't have any setbacks to our bonding. I feel bad leaving them, but kids aren't allowed at court and it's not advised to take them to the notary, which is the next step after receiving our final adoption decree. How ironic that the only two days that I'll be alone with the kids are the two days that I won't be around much to be with them! (Kevin's parents leave tomorrow morning to go back to Michigan. It was great having them here as they've been a wonderful support. Thank you Mom and Dad K! My sister Natalie flies in on Thursday evening and will be staying a week with us. We can't wait!)

The other things that need to be done this week are to get Maria's birth certificate, get her passport photo taken and then get her Colombian passport issued, she is required to be seen by the American Embassy doctor, we need to get paperwork from ICBF I believe, and then we submit everything to the U.S. Embassy who then issues Maria a visa. Once we have the visa we are done and can fly home! The Embassy is closed on Friday, so most likely we'll get the visa by Tuesday. This all means that since Natalie will be here until Thursday, that we'll all fly home next Thursday, Friday, or Saturday! We'll let you know once it's official (probably only a few days before)!

We are all very excited as you can imagine! Carlos ran and knocked on everyone's door to tell them that we had sentencia! So cute! He's most excited about being able to see his daddy soon!

Since Kevin's parents are leaving tomorrow morning, we celebrated tonight by buying a sentencia cake. It's tradition to buy a cake to share with everyone for dessert sometime after you receive sentencia. Katya thought we should do it tonight, so I had her order us one. It was delicious!

An Update on Our Adoption Case

2010-03-16T08:53:00.000-04:00

We heard from Isabel earlier last week that the judge approved our case the Thursday before (on the 4th), and so the next step is for the Defender of Minors to sign our paperwork. I’ve heard that she has five business days to sign, but I’ve also heard she has three business days to sign, but either way after she signs it goes back to the same judge who approved our case for his final approval and signature. That’s when we receive sentencia and can work on the final details before returning home. I saw Isabel yesterday and she asked if I had any plans to travel around the country. I said that I didn’t. She said good, because our case is before the judge so we could get sentencia any time now. She smiled and told me not to get lost! :) So, this is good news, but I’m not allowing myself to get too excited. He has ten business days to sign, but as I’ve seen with friends’ cases, delays can happen, so I’m just mentally preparing myself for the long haul, and that way I’ll be pleasantly surprised if it comes soon!

Our fourth weekend in Bogota

2010-03-15T23:24:00.000-04:00

Maria's first manicure! (Given by sweet Camilla who's seven and lives at the hotel with her mom who's the manager.)

We went to the Bogota Botanical Gardens on Friday (I think - the days are getting all mixed up in my head!)with two other American adoptive families (the Kerns and the Follands) who are staying at Hotel Paris, and for awhile there we were the main attraction! There was a group of elderly people who surrounded us and touched us and talked to us and this woman in the picture gave blessings and kisses to all of our children.

They also took photos with/of us! All of them were so sweet!

About ten minutes later another large group of Colombian adults stopped and stared at us. A few lingered very close and watched us intensely. Phyllis tried to engage them in conversation and after a few more minutes of staring at us they obliged. We felt like we were under a microscope!

We then went into the green houses and wow, were they beautiful!

Carlos got to see a turtle, so he was very happy!

There were many groups of school children at the gardens as well. The little ones were so cute! All of the school childen wear matching outing uniforms when they go on a field trip. (They wear more traditional uniforms to school.) This group of kids were pretending to be mariposas (butterflies) while walking to the butterfly exhibit.

Aren't they sweet?!

On Saturday we walked to UniCentro, the mall, with the Housemans and Thompsons. There is a great path that we can take to avoid the main roads, which also has playgrounds every so often which Carlos and Jacob enjoyed:

After walking around for an hour we stopped to have some icecream.

They even had sorbet, so I could enjoy a cone along with everyone else! Yeah!

This is the last photo we have of the boys together. The Housemans left early this morning to go back home to Michigan. We will miss them around here, but are so happy for them! Thank you Houseman family for your friendship!

Sunday was election day, so we were told that we should stay at the hotel and not go walking around as there will be a lot of people on the streets, maybe some protestors and demonstrators. So Rachel Thompson and I talked on Saturday about all of the activities we could do at the hotel to keep ourselves and our little ones entertained all day! But then on Sunday morning, Dave Houseman said that Katya (the owner of Hotel Paris) said it would be fine to walk to the market. So, Rachel and I jumped at that chance and left the hotel with Mom and Dad K. and the kids at 9:30 a.m.!

The walk is over a mile along a very busy exhaust-filled road and is partly up hill. It's always a tiring walk, but the market is enjoyable so it's worth it. Well, unbeknownst to us, the market was closed because of election day! It was a bummer, but there is a mall close by that is partly outdoors and they have a nice little playground, so that's where we spent a good part of our morning before heading back to the hotel just in time for lunch. It was not the morning we were planning on, but it always feels good to get out of the hotel for a bit!

Week Three

2010-03-11T23:10:00.003-05:00

It'll be three weeks tomorrow that we've been in Colombia! Here are some photos from the week:

On Monday Juanita cooked us all the traditional Colombian meal from the city of Medallin. I forget the name of it, but it consists of sausage, fried pork rinds, ground beef, fresh avacado, arepas, rice, and beans. As you can see, you can pick and choose what you'd like - it was delicious!

Getting the kids some food

There is an Italian couple staying here who are adopting a sibling group of three boys. It was the oldest boy's birthday on Monday and the family shared a delicious cake with all of us!

On Tuesday a bunch of us went to the Museo de Oro (the gold museum) in downtown Bogota. This is a photo that Dad K. took out the window of the second floor of the museum.

Just to give you an idea of what's in the museum, here is a piece that we saw.

After the museum we all went to a market that was across the street. I love this picture that Dad K. took of Carlos waiting for us as Mom K. decided what t-shirt to buy.

I'm surprised we all look as good as we do in this photo because it was an exhausting morning on Tuesday! After the gold museum and the market, we decided to take the Transmillenia bus system back to the hotel instead of catching a cab. There's a stop right by the museum and it's less than a dollar for the adults to ride (kids are free.) This was a crazy experience! Fortunately all of us mom's got a seat, but Rachel had Josiah (who's 3) and Gabriella (who's 8 months) on her lap, Connie had Garrett (who's 3) and Henry (who's 10 months) on her lap, and I had Carlos and Maria on mine. Everyone else in our group had to stand and hold on. By the next bus stop, there were so many people on the bus that I couldn't even see out the window! It was beyond crowded. All of us were uncomfortable and hot, and then Maria started to cry and didn't stop until we got off over thirty minutes later! She was drenched in sweat and tears poor baby, and therefore so was I! We wouldn't do this again, but now that we look back, we're glad we had this authentic Colombian experience!

We enjoyed ourselves at one of the Juan Valdez coffee shops this morning

There are several artsy metal trees in the front of the shop. This is Carlos' favorite one.

This one is my favorite

After going to the coffee shop we walked to a park and spent a beautiful hour together in the warm sun.

It was a great day!

Adventures in Colombia

2010-03-09T15:38:00.001-05:00

On Friday we decided to visit Chingaza National Park. I found out about it on a blog that I follow called Colombian Culture, Colombian Adoption, and Raising Colombian Kids. The woman said that it is about an hour outside of Bogota. The photos she posted looked beautiful and the description sounded like something we wouldn’t want to miss, especially if we enjoy the outdoors and taking photographs. So, off we went at 10:00 a.m. with Reynel, our taxi driver. We headed north, and the scenery was beautiful once we got outside of the city. We even reached a point where we got an excellent view of all of Bogota.

After about an hour we drove through this nice little town called Calera, where Reynel parked the car and said we could get out. We weren’t sure why, but it was a beautiful town square area so we thought it would be a good place for all of us to stretch our legs. The kids enjoyed running around, and we enjoyed taking everything in around us.

Kevin loves a good old door!

About ten minutes later we were ready to get back in the car and get to the National Park. Reynel stopped to ask for directions at a gas station and then we headed on our way again.
Minutes later he stopped at a mechanic’s shop to ask for directions again, and a minute after that he stopped and asked directions from a fellow taxi driver who was waiting on the side of the road. All of us just kept looking at each other, wondering what the problem was. Reynel then turned to us and said (in Spanish, as he only speaks a tiny bit of English – although with my tiny bit of Spanish we were able to communicate without too much of a problem!) that Chingaza was another three hours north and asked us if that was a problem. “Si, es un problem!” I responded. Maria was already wiggling like crazy and climbing all over me. Another three hours in the car was not going to work! So we asked him if there was another park that he could take us too. He thought for a moment and then asked if Parque Duque was okay. I remember hearing that name before so we said yes, let’s go there. So we turned around and started for this new park. Ten minutes later we passed this nice looking large factory and Reynel told us that it was the Alpina yogurt factory. This is the yogurt that we’ve been buying at the store for Carlos to eat. Reynel asked us if we wanted to stop and go into the store there. Why not? We hadn’t had lunch yet, we had brought a few snacks, but we thought it would be nice to have some yogurt for everyone. So, we pulled off the road and into the parking lot of the yogurt factory store. It was a beautiful building, surrounded by grass and little rock trails and large yogurt statues. We had a bathroom break, bought some yogurt, then were back in the car fifteen minutes later.

Can you believe your eyes?!?

Not long later we arrived at Parque Duque – the amusement park! Not exactly the kind of park we were hoping for! I forgot that this was the kind of park it was, and we all just looked at each other again and thought, well, okay. We got out of the car, walked to the main building, and then I looked at Kevin and asked if this was really what he wanted to do on his last afternoon in Colombia. It wasn’t. I asked him if he wanted to go to the Salt Cathedral, which was our other idea originally in the morning before choosing to go to Chingaza instead! So, we turned to Reynel and in my broken Spanish I told him that this was Kevin’s last day in Colombia and we really want to be somewhere more natural. I asked him if we could go to the Salt Cathedral. He said it was about a half an hour away and no problem. So we started to pile back into the car! Meanwhile, while we had been talking, Maria had taken care of business! There was no where to change her so Reynel offered the back of the cab. Everyone thought it would be funny to document this wonderful moment!

After the dreadful deed was taken care of, we were off once again!

Ahhh, the Salt Cathedral. This was more like it! Reynel said he’d meet us at the entrance in two hours. After another bathroom break, we were ready to go the 600 feet underground! (Just as a side note, public bathrooms here in Colombia are different in many ways from those in America. IF they have toilet paper, it’s on one large roll at the entrance of the bathroom, so you need to anticipate your needs. And the toilets typically do not have seats, so squatting is the method we women must employ. Colombianas must have strong thigh muscles!)
Anyway, the Salt Cathedral was beautiful, and here are some photos to prove it:

This is the actual cathedral. They hold a mass here every weekend.

My first jewelry shopping experience, looking at emerald jewelry as Colombia is first in the world I believe in emerald exports/production. $950 for that tiny pair of stud earrings?? Yikes! "Gracias, Senor" I said and then we kept walking!

The city of Zapaquira where the Salt Cathedral is located

Whew – what a day! We thanked Reynel for giving us a tour of Colombia, and we were back to the hotel in time for dinner. Kevin said it was a great way to spend his last day in Colombia!

This is us on the ride back to the hotel. The kids were a bit worn out!

Yesterday we went to the market again so that Mom and Dad K. could have that experience. (And there were a few things that Kevin wanted me to pick up that we hadn’t the previous weeks.) Tracy and her son Matias joined us for the excursion as her husband and three year old daughter went back home to Minnesota the same day as Kevin. It was a very nice way to spend the morning and afternoon, and thank you Tracy for putting up with all of our delays along the way! (I can’t seem to do anything quickly these days! Good thing we’re running on Colombian time here!)

And then here are a few random photos from Sunday morning, before going out to the market:

A Sad Day

2010-03-06T22:23:00.001-05:00

Kevin left early this morning to go back to Michigan. Kevin and Carlos were sobbing, I was crying, Mom K was crying, Dad K was sad...we were a mess. Maria wasn't herself most of the day. It started with her waking up at ten minutes to six this morning, and then throughout the morning she would just stop and stand there and start crying. It was so sad. We think she must have sensed all of our sadness.

Carlos perked up a bit after breakfast, and even helped me get Maria dressed this morning and he played with her a little. He did get angry with her later in the morning, and continued his anger with her this afternoon and into the evening. At dinnertime Carlos said that seeing the other dad's makes him feel sad, and then tonight when he was picking out books for me to read to him before bed he saw a certain book that reminded him of Kevin and he started to cry. But after kisses and hugs and reassurances that he will see Daddy again, we read three books, and then he was out the instant his head hit the pillow.

Randomly throughout the day I would have to fight off the tears, although I did let some go a few times when I had a few moments to myself. And then the kicker came when we came back to the hotel at dinnertime. I went up to our room to drop our bags off and there, on our freshly made bed, was Kevin's yellow shirt, perfectly ironed and folded. It got me. This is a shirt that Kevin really wanted to wear while in Colombia. He had asked me weeks before we left to iron it (It's the only shirt he owns that needs to be ironed before he wears it (besides his dress shirt) because the sleeves bunch up at the end and look flowery if they aren't flattened.) Anyway, I never made the time to iron it. Then we packed it and brought it with us to Colombia. I kept forgetting to iron it during the first week. And then at the beginning of this week he had the thought to throw it into our diry laundry bag because the staff irons everything before giving it back to us. We got our laundry back two days ago, but with no yellow shirt. Yesterday I looked downstairs in the laundry room to see if it got hung up, and I couldn't find it anywhere. And then last night as I was packing, I forgot about it. So then I come home this evening and there was the shirt, just as Kevin would have wanted it.

But we'll be okay. We're sad, and it will be hard at times, but we'll make it. One day at a time.

Prayer requests:

For me, for strength, peace, patience, and wisdom - you know, not much!

For Carlos, that God would heal his broken heart, and would grow him in His ways during this trial. Also, that Carlos would not build up any resentment toward Kevin for leaving and for them being separated for so long.

For Maria, that Kevin's leaving would not cause any problems in their attachment and bonding when we get back home.

For Dad K - he is still sick and slept most of the day, that God would heal him quickly so that he can enjoy the rest of his time here in Colombia.

For Mom K, for continued patience with the rest of us! She was a great support today, and I pray that she will also enjoy her time here.

For Kevin - it's of course hard for him to leave the rest of us in Colombia, so prayers for comfort and peace as he is providing for our family's needs.

For good health and safety for all of us!

Thank you!

Week Two - More Photos

2010-03-04T23:12:00.001-05:00

Maria's first Playdoh experience

Week Two

2010-03-04T23:11:00.004-05:00

Maria loves to look at the photos on our blog and gets so excited whenever she sees "Arlo!"

Grandpa and Grandma Kammeraad arrived on Tuesday night!

Yes, Carlos still has to go to school while in Colombia - but with Mama!

This week has flown by! On Tuesday morning we had our ICBF interview with the Defender of Minors. It was at Los Posingos. We weren't sure how Maria would do going back there, but it went well. She did recognize her caregivers and seemed happy when they came up to her and gave her kisses, but she didn't reach for them or pull away from us. She didn't seem nervous at all that we would leave her there, she just seemed comfortable with how everything went.

While we were waiting for the Defender, we played in this little room with some toys that we brought, talked to Isabel (our rep), and met another couple who are adopting a sibling group of four girls. At one point two of the caregivers at LP came in and brought this adorable yet sad and shy little girl into the room. They said that she and Maria were best friends. They arrived at LP on the same day and are only a day apart in age. They've been together since the beginning, always in the same room, in the same group together. Her name is Natalia. They brought her right over to Maria and the girls just stared at each other. It was so sweet and so sad at the same time. I asked Isabel if she's been matched with a family yet, and she said that she hasn't because she isn't eligible to be adopted yet. My heart just broke for this precious little girl. My prayer is that God's will for her is to be in a loving family soon, whether that is biological or adoptive. I wish we would have taken a picture of her. Hopefully I can when we go back for our tour in the next week or two.

The interview with the Defender went really well. She only asked us one question, and it was to Carlos. She asked how he felt about his little sister. Carlos told her that he didn't like her! We knew there was a very good possibility that he would say that, and luckily the Defender chuckled and just asked him why. He explained that she knocked over a tower that he built and she poked him in the stomach with a toy. She told him that Maria was probably just trying to get his attention and wanted to play with him. She had a nice little talk with him about playing with her and sharing and things like that. And then we all signed some papers (yes, including Carlos!) and that was it! Now our case has officially begun, and will brought into the court system. We haven't heard anything from Isabel yet as to what court our case is in yet, but we're optimistic that it went in this week.

Although, things may be slowing down here a bit due to the transportation strike that is happening in Bogota right now. It started on Monday. It has something to do with the fact that the government wants to buy out public and private buses, but they are only willing to pay a fraction of the worth of the buses. As you can imagine, the bus owners are very upset and refusing to sell. They've gone on strike and now the general public is outraged of course because so many people rely on buses to get around. There have been riots and demonstrations, all on the south side (which is not where we are staying, so no worries!) There have been reports of violence, such as rocks and bottles being thrown at taxis and their clients. So, we've all been advised (almost forbidden) by Isabel and Katya (the hotel owner) not to go anywhere near the south side of town, or to travel anywhere where we'd need to be driven through the south side of town. We are all now looking up places to visit that are only north of Bogota until this strike ends.

In other news, Kevin's parents arrived safely here on Tuesday night! It's been great having them here. They'll be here for two weeks. Kevin unfortunately has to leave on Saturday morning, but thankfully they'll be staying with us for so long afterwards. And then yesterday we confirmed that my sister Natalie is coming to visit for a week the day after Kevin's parents leave. I'm so excited! She lives in Los Angeles and we only get to see each other once a year if we're lucky, so we're both very much looking forward to this time together!

Tomorrow we're going to try to go somewhere just the six of us. As this will be Kevin's last day with us, we want to do something all together that will be something he will really enjoy! I'll update again this weekend!

Over the Weekend

2010-03-02T09:17:00.000-05:00

Juanita taught Phyllis, Tammy, Rachel, Connie, and I how to make empanadas from scratch. These are the fruits of our labors, which were served to all the families for lunch that day (Saturday). Delicious!

A bunch of us were going to take a walk to an indoor artesian market called Maku, and we started to leave when I realized what were still on my feet - slippers!

This is the front of our hotel (where everyone is waiting for me to put my shoes on).

This is a park just around the corner of our hotel.

On Sunday we walked to the outdoor market again, where we found Maria an adorable hat to keep the sun out of her eyes.

Carlos, showing off his new lizard

There were many people at the market who were statues - this couple impressed us the most!

Here is a local musician who we saw at the market both times we've been there.

Our boy!

How Things Have Been Going

2010-02-28T23:46:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that tomorrow it will be ten days already that we've been in Colombia. It's been an amazing experience so far! Here are some general updates about each of us and what has been going on over here...

I'll start with Maria: She is such a delight and a joy! Her caregivers at Los Pisingos described her as calm and sweet and she is definitely both of those! She is also very curious, likes to do things herself (as is common with kids who've been raised in an orphanage), has a great laugh, looks up to her big brother, loves to brush her teeth (well, it's more like she loves to suck off the toothpaste! - don't worry, it's floride free so is safe to swallow!) and has a huge appetite! On the first morning that we had her, she ate four scrambled eggs, a piece of toast, and a full glass of milk! She also really enjoys eating soup (which we have a different one every day for lunch), and bananas (which she sucks on for a few minutes before chewing). She doesn't say a lot of words, but she does babble a lot! The words she does say are: Carlos ("Arlo" she calls him! This is by far the word we hear the most!), hola, ciao (as in "chow! - goodbye!), mama, and no.

When we first got her, she carried around everywhere with her this little photo album that we sent her back around Christmas time. It has photos of mostly Kevin, Carlos, and I but also some photos of our house, our roommates, the grandparents, and her. She looked at it frequently (I would say almost constantly) throughout the day and had to have it within arms reach at all times or she'd get very upset. She also had to have near her this little monkey stuffed animal that we gave to her at the same time as the photo album, and these four little plastic horses that we gave her when we first met her at Los Pisingos. (They had told us the day before at our meeting that in order to help prepare her for us, the psychologist used four differing sized horses to teach her about family - a dad, mom, brother, and sister. When we were at the store later that day we saw a little bag of four plastic horses, and had to get them!) Each day she's looked at the photo album a little less and less (still needing to sleep with it though!), but yesterday was the first time that we didn't have to take all of these things with us when we left the room or hotel! Such a breakthrough!

Carlos...where do I start with this beautiful boy? We had a wonderful time together as a family of three during our first days here in Bogota. He has been testing us a lot over the past few weeks, pushing boundaries, being easily and deeply angered, etc., but most of the time was great with him when we first arrived. And then the day came that we got Maria. The first night that we had her he enjoyed making her laugh and even said "It feels like we've always had her." But then reality set in quickly the next morning. She's smelly (after she does the deed in her diaper), she's messy (while eating), and she babbles, grunts, and squeals which he does not understand or like one bit! She also takes most of Mom's attention and a lot of Dad's. He's very jealous. To put it nicely, he intensely dislikes her. But from his perspective, what's good about having her in our family now? It has been a very rough road with him this week. There have been a few good moments, but mostly it's been tough. The good news is though, that today was much better! Thanks to one of the dad's here (Tony, I'm talking about you!), yesterday I finally told Carlos that enough was enough. It's okay for him to have these feelings, to be angry and to not like Maria, but it is not okay to be mean to her or to be rude to Mom and Dad. There will now be negative consequences if he does these things. Previously we hadn't been disciplining him for these things as we know how tough this is for him. Of course we'd talk to him about it, tell him what he's doing is not okay, and make him stop, but we weren't strict with him nor giving him consequences. Today he was back to his old self most of the day! Full of joy and a positive attitude, he even shared nicely with his sister and was respectful and responsible. Hopefully we've reached a turning point!

Another thing that's helped is finally figuring out a bed time routine that works for all of us. It took a few days, but now we put Maria to bed first while Carlos plays with Jacob after dinner, and then Carlos goes to bed. That has helped a ton with the jealosy factor!

Carlos has been playing a lot with his new amigo, Jacob Houseman, who's seven. Thank the Lord for the Houseman family being here! What a different experience it would be if they were not here! Jacob and Carlos play for hours each day, and it's so wonderful for Carlos to have some fun time away from his new little sister during this adjustment period. They both have wonderful imaginations, and Jacob is so patient with Carlos. Their play ranges from running around the hotel in squeals of laughter chasing each other, to holing themselves up in a little nook and cranny of the hotel playing dinosaurs. What memories they are making together!

Carlos has also been enjoying time with Mama putting him to bed and cuddling with him at night, boys time with Daddy playing, and playing with his SpiderMan guys and doing computer games. He has not really enjoyed the food here, only breakfast where he can have french toast every day, so that's been a little struggle for us. Yesterday we bought a loaf of bread and some peanut butter though so now if he doesn't like what is served, that is his option. Things are getting better!

Kevin is doing well in general, but the first few days after we got Maria were tough for him too. He was feeling a bit jealous of the bonding that was taking place between me and Maria, and he had to do most of the parenting of Carlos during his most challenging phase. (Since Kevin is leaving on March 6th to go back to Michigan, it made sense to us to focus on Maria and I bonding.) And on the first Sunday that we were here, he got a massive sunburn on his head that has left his scalp and ears peeling like neither of us have every seen anyone peel before!

But Kevin is an amazing man, and very strong. He has been so patient, loving, and good with Carlos, so loving and fun with Maria, and so supportive of me. We are very blessed to have him as Daddy and Husband in our family! We will miss him terribly when he's gone!

(Kevin's parents are coming on Tuesday and staying for two weeks, so I'll have help with the kids as we transition to not having Kevin with us. We're looking forward to seeing them!)

I have been doing really well. All of you who have been praying for me and for us, I can feel it! God has been blessing me with patience and strength. For the most part I've been able know how to respond to each of the kids, how to parent them well and be who they each need. That is all from God! It has been and continues to be my biggest prayer, that I will be the parent that each of them need.

And my second biggest prayer has been for health. We are all doing well so far. The cook at the hotel, Juanita, has been AMAZING! She bought alternative meat (soy based) for me and makes special dishes for me for each meal without milk or cheese. My meals has been absolutely delicious and just what my body needs. I no longer feel anxious about eating or getting the nourishment I need. Isn't God fantastic?! Thank you for lifting our family up in your prayers!

Just like Juanita, the rest of the staff at Hotel Paris is fabulous! So kind, so helpful, so fun! What a blessing to be here. And the families who are staying here - so wonderful! Our experience is deeper and richer for knowing them and journeying with them. Thank you Thompsons, Housemans, Aherns, Phyllis and Kurt, and Tracey and Jeremy! (And thank you to the Tanners, too, who are on this journey with us but who are staying with family nearby!)

Tomorow we'll post photos from the weekend! Good night!

Thursday and Friday

2010-02-27T00:35:00.003-05:00

We went to Panaca, a huge petting zoo, with the Aherns, the Thompsons, the Tanners, and the Housemans. This "petting zoo" was incredible! You can feed baby calves, milk cows, watch pig races, feed pigs and goats, ride ponies and llamas - the kids loved it! Actually, Maria was a bit nervous about getting close to the animals, so she just watched from a safe distance attached to me!

Yes, this animal was just roaming around at one point! We were a little concerned as it trotted toward us and no one at the zoo seemed to notice or be concerned!

This is at a steak house that we went to after the zoo. It was one of the most interesting restaurants to say the least. For those in West Michigan, it was like being at a Sam's Joint, but ten times wackier/fuller in decor and staff! (Thus this guy in the photo. A group of staff came to our table and seranaded us with song and confetti in the colors of the Colombian flag. The kids loved it!)

Tough guys on the van ride back to the hotel

Some more photos...

2010-02-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

We want to update with more details on how things have been going, but we've been a bit too worn out to do it. Hopefully this weekend. For now, some more photos...

Family of Four!

2010-02-23T23:03:00.000-05:00

We're just going to post photos tonight, and then tomorrow we'll update with the details...!

Carlos started blowing up balloons and they would shoot out of his mouth. This got Maria laughing so hard! Then she wanted to try it. She was facinated.

We had so much fun eating together, and man can that girl eat!

Not so sure of Papa (Daddy) yet

A Beautiful Day in Bogota

2010-02-22T13:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we went out walking in Bogota with a bunch of the families who are staying at Hotel Paris with us.

It was seventy degrees, sunny, and most of us got sunburned!

"The Three Amigas!"

Yes, there are dandilions even in Colombia! They must be the world's heartiest flower!

I love the beautiful arcitecture...

Jacob, Carlos, Josiah, and Santi

There is a great street market every Sunday that is within walking distance from the hotel. We'll definitely be going there again!

Carlos was giving Mama the sloppiest kisses he could!

On our walk back to the hotel we happened upon this group of musicians/singers/martial artists. It was very cool. It was a beautiful day in Bogota!

First Day in Bogota

2010-02-20T22:30:00.001-05:00

It was a good day! Breakfast is served until 9:00 a.m. and we got down to the dining room about twenty minutes to. It was so nice to meet the other families who are staying here, and to meet more of the staff. Everyone is so friendly! At breakfast they give you a menu and you get to order off of there. Lots of typical American breakfast-y foods: eggs, french toast, toast, cereal, etc. I ordered scrambled eggs and toast and Kevin thought he did too, but mine came out and they said his would be another five minutes. Five minutes later a silver platter was brought out with three hard boiled eggs sitting atop these vase looking things - very fancy looking! Oops! It was fine, they were good, but next time he'll have to do a better job at pointing at what he wants on the menu! :)

Last night the Thompsons stayed up to greet us when we got in. It was so nice to see familiar faces! Rachel and Tony live in West Michigan also, and we met them in November at the Tanner's house. Let me backtrack a second: In my post last fall about how we chose Maria, I mentioned that I met Kristi VanderMaas because her son was in my preschool camp at Heritage Camp. We connected again when I called her to tell her we were adopting a little girl from Colombia from the same orphanage that she and her husband adopted from. Some time after that she invited us to be a part of this group of families who've all adopted from Colombia. The majority of them live in Michigan, but a few outside of Michigan. Anyway, the group meets twice a year, usually once in the winter at someone's house and then once in the summer outside for a family fiesta. In November the Tanners, Adriana and Jeff, hosted an evening for the adults to get together. The VanderMaas's weren't able to be there, but we went any way, not knowing anyone. It was an amazing night! The six other couples that we met were such incrediblely warm, friendly, welcoming, supportive, wonderful people! We left that night with such an unexpected feeling of connection and joy and a longing to go to Colombia. It was a beautiful night!

A week before Christmas, Rachel and Tony Thompson and Adriana and Jeff Tanner both received referrals, and then we received our referral of Maria days after them! We all started the process at different times, we're using a different adoption agency than they both are, and the Tanners and us are both adopting out of Los Pisingos but the Thompsons are not. We are all here in Colombia at the same time!! Adriana was born and grew up here, so she and her family are staying with her parents, but the Thompsons are staying here at the same hotel we are. Over the past two months, Rachel, Adriana, and I have been emailing each other back and forth every few days, supporting one another during that final phase before coming to Colombia. So it was so beautiful to see Rachel and her husband last night when we arrived at the hotel! Having them here and the Tanners close by is such a huge blessing to us! (The Thompsons have a little boy who's three whom they adopted from here when he was an infant, and now they are adopting a little baby girl. The Tanners have a little boy who's two whom they adopted from here and they are now adopting a baby boy.)

And then another West Michigan family is here as well, who are also part of the same group of families that I mentioned earlier, we just hadn't met them before. The Housemans, Tammy and Dave, have a little boy Jacob who just turned seven and they are here now adopting a baby girl. We met them all today at breakfast and it's been a joy getting to know them today! This afternoon, Jacob and Carlos played non stop for over three hours together!

Most of the time while they were playing, this is what I was doing...

...taking a siesta! After breakfast I was hit with altitude sickness that I was just not expecting. I felt much better by the afternoon, but my body was quite tired. I'm still not a hundred percent, but I've heard this is very common and by Monday my body will most likely be adjusted and I'll be back to normal. We're so glad that we came a day early and have this weekend to adjust!

We have a couple of prayer requests:

That I will get the nourishment here that my body needs. I have become a vegetarian over the past few months (it's been a slow and steady process for us over the past year), and I have IBS which means I can't eat fried foods or any dairy. Guess what they serve a lot of here? All of the above! I was able to communicate to Juanita, who is the incredibly good cook here at the hotel, that I do not eat meat or cheese, but I haven't figured out yet how to tell her that I can't have cream based soups. (Soup is served almost every day for lunch.) I'll probably broach that with her tomorrow or Monday. I just feel so badly that she has to cater to me, and I feel a bit anxious about the whole food thing. I did bring quite a bit of food with me, but I would just love prayers for peace for me, and that food will not cause me any anxiety.

Continued prayers for Carlos. He did great yesterday, and most of today, but he was struggling with his emotions before and throughout dinner. The three of us had a great time together at bedtime though, so we feel like his emotional tank is full again and ready for tomorrow. (Actually all of the older siblings here are having times of difficulty adjusting to not being an only child anymore. If you could say a prayer for all of them, that would mean a lot. I didn't mention them earlier but there is another family here from Minnesota and they have a little three year old girl whom they adopted from here and they are now adopting a baby boy. We are enjoying getting to know them too, and I know they'd appreciate prayers as well.)

Tomorrow we are probably going to walk around the city a bit and just try to have another nice relaxing day!

We made it!

2010-02-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

We are here in Colombia after an exhausting day of travel. All is well!! We are so thankful that everything went smoothly: going through customs, getting our luggage, getting picked up by our driver from the hotel. I will update with details tomorrow, I'm too tired to think straight! But just to let you know, we have an appointment with the doctor at Los Pisingos on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m., and then our official presentation date of Maria is Tuesday at 4:30 p.m.! :) Buenas noches!

The storm before the calm?

2010-02-18T00:46:00.001-05:00

Our paperwork is all organized, our bills are all paid, our finances are in order, correspondences with schools are all taken care of (this last one is thanks to Katie, our super office manager/marketing manager/voice of reason extraordinaire!) And then I started in with packing after dinner. Yes, I should have done this days ago. And I sort of did, weeks ago, when we thought we were leaving sooner. But since then most things have slowly gotten unpacked, and we've also slowly accumulated more things for Maria and our trip, so basically I was starting all over again! Our goal is to pick Carlos up from school tomorrow and then drive straight to my parents' house in Metro Detroit. I am going to have to kick it into high gear tomorrow! Please pray that I use my time wisely, that I have energy to get everything done that still needs to be done, and that I stay focused on what's important, not worrying about the little things. (But I would also like prayers that I don't forget to pack any of the little things that we need to bring with us!)

More importantly, we would love your prayers for Carlos. Tonight was a really rough night with him. Ever since he got home from school his body was constantly moving, and he was intermittently loud, energetic, whiny, demanding. He was testing boundaries left and right, and was often rude. He's been like this many times over the past couple of weeks, with one night two weekends ago ending in him raging for over an hour. (I don't mean throwing a tantrum. Raging is very different, and very scary.) Tonight he spiraled down to tears and screaming. For over an hour. It was heart breaking and very difficult for us to see him fall apart like this. His little world is spinning out of control, and it's very hard for him to hold on. He doesn't know what to hold on to. Please pray with us that God would give him His peace, and heal his heart wear it is broken (Carlos often speaks of a broken heart on emotional nights like these.) Pray that God would give us His wisdom to know how best to parent Carlos, the ability to be in tune with what Carlos needs, to be able to read his behaviors for what they truly are - a way that Carlos is expressing his emotions that he doesn't know how to express any other way, or doesn't even fully know that they are there, and strength for us to get through long nights like tonight.

I'm realistic that there will probably be many more storms that come our way over the next few weeks and months, but I'm hoping that there are many more periods of calm to outweigh the storms. While Carlos was screaming tonight, all I could do was pray, with tears in my eyes, just call out to God for help. Tonight I found this verse: Psalm 107:28-30:
²⁸ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
       and he brought them out of their distress.
²⁹ He stilled the storm to a whisper;
       the waves of the sea were hushed.
³⁰ They were glad when it grew calm,
       and he guided them to their desired haven.

That's exactly what it felt like once Carlos calmed down and finally fell asleep. I pray that going to God would be our first response in a storm. He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1-3)

We're leaving in a few days!

2010-02-16T12:06:00.001-05:00

What an emotional past four days it's been! On Friday morning we found out that our Article 5 was issued on Thursday. All day on Friday we were talking back and forth with our agency, all of us optimistic that by the end of the day we would have a travel and presentation date! We were so excited! We were just waiting for the Article 5 to be translated and authenticated. We told Carlos' teacher on Friday morning that there was a good chance that this would be his last day at school. As we were driving to pick Carlos up from school, our agency said that it wasn't going to happen today. We would hopefully be given a presentation date on Monday or Tuesday. It was such disappointing news, and the peace that I had been feeling over the past couple of days left. I really struggled all night and into Saturday. Thankfully Kevin and I had a great time on Saturday night, and were able to push everything aside in our minds and just focus on each other. We went shopping for a few things for our trip, went out to dinner, and then went salsa dancing for the first time! It was a lot of fun, and we left feeling more at peace and with a taste of Colombia in our mouths! :)

Yesterday morning our agency emailed and said that we had clearance from Isabel to travel this coming weekend! (Isabel is our representative in Colombia who works with families who are adopting from Bethany Christian Services and our agency, Children's Home Society & Family Services.) We still don't have a presentation date, but hopefully we will soon. It sounds like it will be next week either Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. We talked with our travel agent at various times yesterday, but had a few questions for our agency that we needed answered before we felt comfortable confirming our flights. Our agency was closed for President's Day though, so we didn't hear back from them until this morning. (We were very grateful that our case worker was willing to check her email in the morning to see if Isabel wrote, even though it was her day off. But we couldn't reach her the rest of the day. See what I mean about an emotional past couple of days?!) But today we heard from our agency and talked with our travel agent and we are flying into Bogota on Friday night!!

Please pray that all of the last minute details would come together smoothly, and that I won't drive Kevin and Carlos crazy in my whirlwind state!

Maria, we will be there soon!