Heavy Hearts

My eyes are tired from crying.  Our hearts are heavy tonight.  We got a call this afternoon from Kristi, Kevin's oldest sister.  She and her husband Brian recieved the news today from her oncologist that her cancer has metasticized.  For those of you who don't know, Kristi has been battling ovarian cancer for three years...and has been winning!  She is such a fighter, and is an amazing woman of God!  His light shines brightly through her and Brian!  They are such beautiful people.  (You can read their blog of their journey which we link to on the right side of our blog.)  Kristi just turned forty before Christmas, and she and Brian have three kids, ages 12, 9, and 5.5.  She has so much life left to live, and so much to live for!  But this cancer just will not stay away.  It has spread to her lymph nodes.  The next typical spot it would head would be for her lungs.  She starts chemo up again on Monday.  Her oncologist does not think that her cancer is curable.  He's said that before, but felt it was treatable.  He didn't add that today.  They asked him straight out what he thinks her prognosis is.  He said that he doesn't think she'll make it another five years.  He feels that the chemo is just to help her hang on as long as possible. 

Please pray that Kristi, Brian, and the kids would feel God's loving arms around them, and that He would grant them His peace which passes all understanding.  Pray that He would guard their hearts and their minds from anything that would seek to take them away from their faith and trust in Him.  They are hanging on tightly to their Heavenly Father and need the comfort and strength that only He can give them.  And we are asking God for a miracle healing to be done in Kristi's body.  He's done it before, and we know He can do it again.  All of us believe that He is sovereign and pray that His will be done, not ours, but we do pray the desire of our hearts about this, which is that Kristi would be healed. 

As we've been reeling all afternoon about this news, we can't help but think about everything else our family is going through right now.  We are so thankful that God is always with us and that He never leaves us, because we need Him so much.  Not only is our family going through all of this with Kristi, but our brother-in-law Eric has been battling ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease).  Eric is Lori's husband. (Lori is Kevin's other sister.)  He will turn forty this month, and he and Lori have two kids, ages 12.5 and 7.  Eric was diagnosed with ALS in May of 2007, but had symptoms for two years prior to that.  ALS is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that attacks nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord resulting in muscle weakness and atrophy.  People with this disease usually start with a loss of movement in their limbs, and then it spreads from there until it affects all of their muscles, including their ability to speak, swallow, and eventually to breathe.  To read Eric and Lori's journey, please visit their blog which we also link to on our blog.  They are also amazing and beautiful people of faith, and are so inspiring. 

It's hard to sum up real quick what's been going on with Eric, but as this is a degenerative disease, things with his body have been getting worse and worse as the disease has progressed.  The big thing right now is that Eric has been struggling with his breathing lately.  His breathing was checked last month and it was found that his forced vital capacity (FVC) was at 16%, which is very low.  A year ago it was around 50% I believe.  Without going into more details, as Lori and Eric haven't even blogged about everything yet, we are praying for a miracle for him too.  Please pray that what they are doing to try to strenghten his lungs would work, that he would be able to find comfort each day despite his incredible discomfort, for God's strength and mercy each day to sustain them, and for His peace, which passes all understanding. 

In the midst of processing all of this today, including thinking about what the next few months holds for us with traveling to Colombia to get Maria, as well as some things that my parents are going through, the phrase "sifted like wheat" kept coming to my mind.  I told Kevin that I feel like we are being "sifted like wheat."  Sifted like wheat?  I know this phrase is from the Bible, but I've never used it before.  I decided to look it up tonight.  It's from Luke 22: 31-32 and is Jesus talking to one of his disciples - "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."  I believe that Jesus has prayed this prayer for us and our family as well, and that our faith will not fail.  He is the author and perfector of our faith. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3)

As I got in the car to pick up Carlos from school today, I was hoping to find comfort in songs that were played on the radio.  God's truth is sung in so many songs, and I prayed that He would speak to me through them during my drive.  I just longed to hear from Him, and this is the song that came on after I prayed:

Heaven is a Face by Steven Curtis Chapman

Here are some of the lyrics:

But in my mind's eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there's no one left in the orphans' bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there's no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there's no more enemy (no more).

This is what it will be like with Him in Heaven!  For those of us who know Him, this is what we have to look forward to!  The truth of these words didn't sink in with me until now as I'm typing them out.  God's glory will fill every empty space!  There will be no more sadness, no more tears, no more sickness!  "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4)  After reflecting upon this truth right now, I feel much more hopeful now than I did when I started writing this post.  There are going to be a lot of difficult times coming up, and we will need your prayers to help get us through.  But we will not lose hope.  "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31).