A Roller Coaster

That's what it feels like we are on, emotionally speaking.  One minute we are up, filled with hope and anticipation, and the next we are down, filled with despair and longing.  At the end of November/beginning of December last year we had many reasons to believe that we would be traveling to Colombia in January.  Our agency predicted so, our calendar was clear, our paperwork was moving along.  We were riding "up" on the roller coaster.  But then as Christmas drew near and we still didn't have our official referral of Maria, our hopes for being in Colombia by the end of January were growing dim.  The decent on the coaster had begun.  But then a few days before Christmas we received word that the adoption house issued us the referral of Maria.  And back up we went!  We were so excited.  We might not travel until the beginning of February, but that was okay with us.  God's timing is perfect, and we were just so happy!

A few days after Christmas we received a call from our agency saying that translation would take a little longer than usual, etc., etc., and that we'd probably be traveling by the first week of March.  What?!  Oh, how quickly our hearts plunged!  We did not understand how this could be when all signs had been pointing to us leaving by the first week of February.  But after a few days, we settled into this knowledge with acceptance and trust.  Okay, a little anxiety would creep up now and again, but overall, we knew that there must be a reason behind this. 

And then January came, and with it our I800 approval.  Our agency predicted based on what they'd been seeing lately that we'd be able to travel by Valentine's Day!  Woo-hoo - back up we go!  Not only would we be able to see Maria soon, but to be there in mid-February would mean that Kevin would have a few weeks with us, and not just the two that he's required to be.  And then I was talking with our agency a few days after that and going over the rest of the process and what that looks like:  Our I800 was approved on Wednesday, January 20th.  It takes up to two weeks to arrive in Bogota.  Once it arrives they alert our representative.  She goes to the US Embassy with our DS-230 form and then they issue the Article 5.  Once the Article 5 is issued, the rep will notify our agency who will then call us and we can make our travel plans!  She said that she would probably be calling us around Wednesday, February 3rd, as that would be two weeks from when our I800 was issued.  So, that would put us another week ahead of what we were told previously!  We have been so excited over these past two weeks!  I have been running around like crazy, working frantically to tie up loose ends in the business, with my voluntary commitments, and at home.  There's so much to get ready for Maria and for being gone for two months!  We have been anxiously and excitedly counting down the days until today, February 3rd....!  Might we even be able to travel this coming weekend?!

By 5:00 p.m. today the phone still hadn't rung from our agency.  They are an hour behind us, but reality was setting in that we probably were not going to hear from them today.  We probably were not going to be traveling this coming weekend.  One of the other families who we've become friends with who received their referral a few days before us found out yesterday that they'll be traveling on Monday and be presented their daughter on Wednesday.  This was wonderful news, I was so happy for them, yet sadness slowly creeped in yesterday as I remembered that they received their I800 approval two weeks before we did.  So does that mean we'll be traveling two weeks after them?  But no, not necessarily.  We could get the call today I kept telling myself.  But then we didn't get it.  So at 5:15 Kevin decided to call our agency.  He spoke with the Latin American Program Director.  To make a long story short, she doesn't understand why our I800 approval isn't in Bogota yet, or at least, why the Embassy hasn't alerted our representative yet.  She's not worried yet, we'll probably have it by the end of the week.  But then she said that a few weeks ago they were seeing that the day that the approval arrived in Bogota, the Article 5 was issued, and the family could make their travel plans right away.  But last week Wednesday they (our agency) had several families receive their Article 5s and only one of them has been cleared for travel and given their presentation date.  So, that means that if we receive our Article 5 by this coming Friday, then hopefully we'll be cleared by the next Friday to make travel plans, so by the beginning of the following week hopefully we'd be able to be presented with Maria.  She said that hopefully by the 20th we'd have her.  By the 20th?  Oh, okay I responded quietly.

It's been a quiet evening.  Both Kevin and I feel deflated.  And sad.  And so disappointed.

I read Kristi VanderMaas's posting just before I started writing this posting.  The Scripture that she quoted spoke directly to my heart.  "Do you not know, have you not heard, the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary. His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary , and increases the power of the weak...But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Is. 40:28-31)  And then just before I closed their blog, my eyes caught on the verse that they have on the top of the their blog, the verse that's always there that I've read numerous times.  Tonight, this verse too spoke to me in a fresh way. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

And that's just what we have to do.  Trust Him completely.  It's so easy to trust Him when things are going well.  It's so much harder when they are not.  But we trust Him.  We lean on Him.  We believe Him.  And we wake up in the morning and see what tomorrow brings.  We put one foot in front of the other, and soon, very soon (in the grand scheme of things), we will be with our Maria.