How We're Doing

I've been writing so much about what we've been doing lately, that I haven't shared about HOW we've been doing.  I thought I would do that before Kevin comes back tonight and we are reunited as a family of four.

It's been emotionally up and down for all of us over these past five weeks, but it's neat to see where we are at now compared to when we started our journey in Colombia.

Carlos has come quite far and has been doing very well overall.  When we first got Maria he was filled with such raw emotion - such anger and hatred and sadness and jealosy.  Those have all lessened so much, and we are so thankful to God for that.  My prayer for him is that God would continue to work inside of him, molding him and shaping him into the little boy that He wants him to be.  I pray that love (and like) for his sister would continue to grow daily, and that he knows and feels how loved he is by God and by us.  I pray that his self-love would grow too, as he can be really hard on himself and many times has expressed how he doesn't think he's on God's team.  Please pray with us that his heart and mind will be open to God's presence in his life in a way that he can understand and know, and that he would come to love God's word and hide it in his heart. 

Carlos has been slowly learning how to be a brother:  how to understand his sister's words, grunts, screeches, and cries in response to what he says and does to her, how to talk to her, how to play with her, how to share his toys, how to teach her (instead of grab her) when she is doing or touching something that he doesn't want her to, how to share his mama - this one is the hardest!  The two of them fight over my lap, my arms, and my attention all of the time!  They are both learning that mama has two children and she loves them both.  It's difficult for both of them!  (And for me!)

Carlos misses his dad very much.  It was hardest the first week that Kevin was gone, especially at bedtime, but since then there still have been times when he feels really sad and cries.  At first Carlos refused to skype with Kevin, as he said it would make him too sad to see him and talk to him.  This was really hard for Kevin, and hurt him as he longed to talk to his son.  (They have such a beautiful and strong relationship.)  Thankfully one night when Carlos was really upset, we skyped with Kevin and had Kevin actually put him to bed!  He read books to Carlos and sang and prayed with him, as if he was right here with us.  I put the computer in bed with Carlos and he was just so happy!  We did this a few nights in a row, and I think this is what started to turn the tides for him.  Carlos seems more relaxed now and looks forward to skyping with Daddy, but it doesn't have to be every day.  So this has all been a great improvement.

Carlos can be very kind and thoughtful, and I love that I am seeing more and more of that each day now! 

I don't even know where to start with Maria!  She has grown so much over these past weeks!  When we first got her, she was quiet and a bit shy.  As the days and weeks have gone by, she has shown us more and more of her goofy and devious personality!  She likes to play and laugh and do everything her big brother does!  And she loves to get into things - she likes to see everything that's going on and be a part of it!  (I think her favorite thing is to sneak up to the computer and turn it off!  Such a pretty green button all lit up!  She can be such a stinker!)

When we went to Los Pisingos the day before we picked her up, we were told that she repeats words but doesn't say words that come from within her.  Well, she is showing us something different!  After a few days she started saying "Arlo" (Carlos) and "caio" while waving to people as they or we left.  After a week she was also saying "hola" and "mas" (which means "more" in Spanish.)  Since then she now says about a dozen words!  Every day she is saying a new word or showing us something new that we didn't know she could do.  It is so cool!  Praise God for how well she is doing!  The U.S. Embassy doctor said he wouldn't have known that she is missing her corpus collosum if I didn't tell him and if he hadn't read it in her file.  He was very impressed with how healthy she is and how she's developing!  :)

As for me, I have been doing pretty well.  There have been some tough moments for sure, with bedtime being the hardest for me since Kevin's been gone.  There was one night about two weeks ago where it took me over two and a half hours to put the kids to bed and I was so frustrated and exhausted that I skyped with Kevin and just cried for forty-five minutes while all he could do was just sit there and watch!  That was a rough night.  There have been a few more similar but not as intense nights, but other than that things have been going well.  After Carlos came home I struggled with intense feelings of anger and frustration, mostly centered around sleeping, feelings that I never knew existed within me.  It was scary, and I cried a lot.  For weeks.  And months.  I found out that there is such a thing as post-adoption depression, and I know that's what I had.  Because of that intense time, I was a bit nervous as to how I would respond once Maria came into our family.  I prayed a lot about it, and I am so thankful to God that I've only had a few nights where my intense anger reared it's ugly head.  Other than those few times, for the most part, I have felt really good.  From the moment that we received Maria, it has felt so natural.  It's been an incredible experience becoming her mom.  Carlos took about a year and a half to securely attach to me, and I feel like Maria has been attaching right away.  I am so thankful for this!  Overall, I feel like a stronger person from this time in Colombia, and more laid-back as a mom.  (Those of you who knew me when I first became a mom can pick your jaws up off the floor now! :) 

I love our family of four, and can't wait for us to be reunited tonight and tomorrow!