Reflections on Mother's Day

The only thing I wanted today was to not have to cook or clean.  I wanted a day to just be, and not do.  A day that I can take a nap if I want to, and not feel guilty about it.  A day to relax and enjoy.  But as the day has progressed, although my wonderful and caring husband did his very best, the day just didn't unfold as peacefully as each of us hoped.  It was a tough day.  Carlos is really struggling a lot with all of the huge changes in his life right now, and his behavior and attitude are reflecting this.  (We are starting counseling on Wednesday...more on this later.)  Leaving church today I just felt so down.  It feels like there is no place for us there right now.  It's way too soon to put Maria in the nursery, and Carlos doesn't want to go if Maria doesn't have to go.  And since he's been gone from it for over two months, we don't blame him.   So as soon as the songs are over, we have to leave the sactuary.  They are just too noisy, even when they are behaving well.  They are just being two and five, but we don't want to disturb others so we leave.  There is a cry room off of the sanctuary, but it's really meant for moms with babies who need to be fed or rocked to sleep.  They tolerate us in the there when we've tried that in weeks past, but we know it's not meant for us.  And the lobby has speakers, but they are so quiet we can't hear what the pastor is saying.  So where do we go?  Back home.  I know that this is just the phase that we are in right now, but I miss being at church.  So today leaving church I just cried.  It's frustrating and difficult for our family right now.  We're just in a really hard place, with so much going on, so many emotions involved.  And I know that Kevin felt bad that this was Mother's Day and it wasn't giving me the relaxation and enjoyment he wanted for me, and that I wanted for me too.  The more I thought about it though, as the afternoon progressed on, the more my heart began to change.  I don't know why it did, but I'm very thankful for it. 
As I stood there doing dishes and baking a cake with the kids (Kevin was taking care of the curtains that fell off the wall in our bedroom - a very frustrating and draining home repair!), I had this thought: Maybe today isn't about me, as far as having a day to do whatever I would like to do, a day to rest and relax.  Maybe it's a day about completely embracing my motherhood.  Maybe it's a day to strive to be the very best mom I can be.  Yes, I know I should do that every day, but maybe on Mother's Day that striving should be extra sweet and full of meaning.  It's a day where I should be counting my blessings, not looking to be blessed.  God has given me two beautiful, amazing children, and has trusted me with their care.  Mother's Day should be a day that I intentionally look at them through His eyes and see them for who He has made them to be.  And rejoice in that!  And enjoy being a mom - with all the ups and downs that that entails - and do all the mom things that I normally do, but on this day, with a renewed passion for why I do them.  Motherhood is a blessing, it's a gift, and today I am very thankful to be a mom!