Only Love

So the night that I wrote the previous post was the absolute worst night of sleep I can ever remember having.  Maria was up most of the night.  Fussing.  I have no idea why.  She has progressively become a worse sleeper as our time together has grown longer, but Sunday night was the worst.  I spent the entire night feeling angry.  And numb.  It really sounds as though it is not possible to feel both, but somehow I did.  I have come to dread going to bed each night because I don't know how many times she'll wake up and fuss throughout it.  But tonight, when I went upstairs to comfort her in her tears (before even going to bed), I scooped up this beautiful wet mess of a girl and just hugged her tight.  As I lay in bed with her, her fussing quieted down and her breathing slowed down to normal, and I couldn't help but think how amazing it is that God chose ME to be her mother.  This precious little girl never had someone to hold her and rock her throughout the night before if she needed it.  Never had someone lay with her in bed, holding her tight, and kissing her sweaty little curls.  Until now.  And so tonight, the memories of the other night are fading in importance in my mind, and tonight have been replaced with only love.  And gratitude to our loving Father for putting our family together.